New beginnings
by legion2012
Summary: Henry/Will slash series: New Beginnings. This follows One door closes, and may not make a lick of sense unless you've read that first. Set starting towards the end of ep. 8. Title of part 1 by Cicero, from the Latin: Omnium rerum principia parva sunt.
1. The beginnings of all things are small

**Title:** The beginnings of all things are small.

**Fandom:** Sanctuary

**Characters:** Henry Foss, Will Zimmerman

**Rating:** **M**, although there's nothing overly explicit. (unless you're a Puritan or a homophobe, in which case it's very, _very_ **M**) A few instances of strong or suggestive language and reference to nummy lascivious acts.

**Summary:** Part 1 of the New Beginnings series. Follows my previous series set in the same verse: One door closes. Series set before, during and after episode 9. This chapter set before the end of episode 8.

**Warnings:** This story is quite clearly Henry/Will slash, and happily so. If you're afraid of, or otherwise offended by, **SLASH** then; might I advise you to RUN, not walk, away as fast as your little underage, or otherwise insecure/bigoted legs can carry you? Thanks. That will be all. What? You're still here? Oh. Well, then. Have at it, if you will.

**Notes:** It is quite interesting to be working from source material that's more into the angst than my own writing is. But seriously, this part is more of a tie-in ficlet into the new series. (I never did write the smut scene, sorry. That would have gone to my lj instead of here anyways.) The route my story was taken had to be scratched after watching episode 9, so as to avoid going all the way AU with the series. I may incorporate elements of it into this one but, really, after the scene in the submarine where they're giggling and making eyes at each other, the slash just writes itself. Anyways, as I mentioned above, this is set during episode 8 still. We'll get to 9 soon enough. Enjoy! ;D  
**  
**Some of the dialogue in the series will be taken directly from the episode's script. If you've watched it, you'll know exactly where it ends and my own begins. Subtext added by the author's fiery imagination for all things slash. Complete phrases or sentences in _italics_ represent character thoughts. Single _words _italicized for emphasis. Title quoted from Cicero:

_The beginnings of all things are small. _[From the Latin: Omnium rerum principia parva sunt.]  
_** Marcus Tullius Cicero **_

* * *

Henry was amazing in bed, with a capital A. After Will's minimal and unfortunate experiences with men in his youth, he had thoroughly convinced himself that he was over any further experimentation with his own gender. However, the resilient and persistent Henry Foss had taken it upon himself to show Will the error of his ways. And showed him he had. In Will's own words, he truly had never had sex with a man before until Henry. Calling his previous experience with men sex would be like tossing some raw meat in a pot of boiling water and call it cooking. There had been no art, no nuance, no spice, and no flavor. Will had felt like those two guys had gone to the bathroom with him. It had been utilitarian and dull, at best.

Will had to close his eyes whenever Henry caressed him, focusing on feeling. Henry seemed to have a whole library of touch at his disposal. It seemed like he never touched Will the same way twice. Sex with Henry had been like drawing a road map of one another's body with dark, rich colors. Henry had blown him away. There were none of the proverbial fireworks, however; no earthquakes, no brain shattering events to speak of. It wasn't at all like the corny romance novels his old girlfriend Amy used to read to him. It was way better than that: a real, deep and visceral connection that scared and thrilled Will to the core.

It had been mostly gentle and earthy; flesh on flesh, slow and steady and delicious. Henry wasn't the type of lover who tried to impress with fancy footwork and such. Henry had merely been so indelibly _present_ and in the moment, so unbelievably focused on Will at all times that his touch seemed to reach beneath the skin, burning itself into Will's memory. In fact, Will had never felt anything like it. Henry made him feel every touch so intensely that he could not help but shiver with delight throughout. The second time was better still than the first, and by the third time Henry was playing Will's body like a fiddle. Will did his best to keep up, but clearly he was in the presence of a master.

As they lay in a tangle of sweaty, debauched limbs, Will spoke up. He calculated it was easily near dawn.

"Holy wow, Henry. No offense, but you could do this for a living."

"What's that? Awkwardly pine after my coworkers?"

"No," Will replied, not quite amused. "You know what I mean. I feel woefully inadequate as a lover after that."

Henry sighed dramatically. "If you can still talk in such long sentences then I didn't do my job right."

"And what would that job be? Causing complete and irreversible cerebral meltdown? Because I think you did just fine."

"See what I mean? Still with the talking."

Will gave Henry a squinty sidelong glare, which made Henry grin devilishly. Then it clicked.

"Wait. You were pining?"

"Shut up, Will."

"For me?" It was Will's turn to grin.

"I liked you better twenty minutes ago, when your mouth was occupied," Henry said after a long-suffering sigh.

"Oh, ha, ha. What are you, twelve? I seem to recall yours was fairly occupied as well."

"My point entirely," Henry replied with a grin. He then reached over and kissed Will on the mouth.

Years of pent up, misunderstood desire had welled up in Will during the night. He hummed against Henry's lips contentedly, the man who had been the key to unlock that part of him he had misfiled. Will pulled away from the luxurious kiss with some regret. He felt like he had to. Henry's touch took away his willpower. That raised all sort of red flags in Will's head. His slightly obsessive compulsive need for structure fed his rising fear. Will had some control issues that he blamed for his being single. It seemed like they were about to rear their ugly heads.

"What is it?" Henry asked sweetly, noticing Will's reluctance before his avid nose detected a distant note of fear in his new found lover.

"Nothing," Will said, but he lay back, limp on the bed.

"You can lie to me, babe, but you can't lie to this," Henry replied, pointing at his nose.

Will made a puzzled face in response, to which Henry shrugged.

"One of the recent... developments. I can _smell_ stuff now, like your scent changes." Henry blushed slightly. "I can smell when you're aroused. That's how I knew it was okay to... you know."

"Wait, you can _smell_ that?" Will blurted out, feeling more exposed than his nakedness warranted.

Suddenly, Henry was insecure again. That Henry had not been seen since he locked the door to his room the night before. Will felt guilty for putting that expression on Henry's face again, but he couldn't help what he felt.

"I'm not doing it on purpose," Henry mumbled defensively. "It's just... there. And now you're starting to smell afraid. I hate it that it's because of me."

"It's reflex," Will replied quickly. "I'm sorry. I can't help it either. It's just... a little creepy, okay? It's not... fear per se. More like... uh... apprehension."

"Right. You know what, doc? You've seen what I become," Henry began, his voice charged up with self-loathing.

Will did the only thing that he could think of to derail this conversation. He pulled Henry close and kissed him again. It initially made Henry angry, but after some minor wrestling around the bed, he gave up and relaxed into Will's embrace.

"Okay," a calm Henry said. "What was that, now?"

"I figured it worked when you did it to me?" Will said with a weak grin. He took a deep breath and launched into an explanation. "Look, there's no precedent here, no rule book. There are changes happening in you. We both know it but, still, I'm here. Aren't I? I need you to trust me, though. Even if I initially freak out, which I didn't. I had a normal involuntary human response to something unknown. A dash of fear. The spark of the fight or flight instinct. Nothing more. Please don't read anything else into it. Okay?"

Henry looked sheepishly on as Will spoke, waiting until he was done. Then he deadpanned, "Do I sound that annoying when I'm explaining my machines and things?"

Will laughed. "Asshole."

Henry grinned happily and settled his head down on Will's chest.

"We should get some sleep," Will said.

"Hm, you're no fun," Henry replied automatically, but he was already pulling the sheets over them. He was wrapped around Will when he thought he might be assuming too much. "You are staying here, right? Because, well, I'd like it if you stayed the night."

Will leaned into Henry's warm body. There was a part of him that urged him to take the opening and make a run for it. On the other hand, he wasn't entirely sure his legs would hold him up. The commitment-phobe in him was having conniptions, and he didn't want to send Henry the wrong message by staying. Or was it the wrong message?

This thing with Henry, at least the physical aspect, felt right. More than right, Will had to be honest with himself; he had never felt more in tune with another human body in his life. He was already deep in lust with the man next to him, even though they hadn't even gone past hands and mouths. It felt dangerous and exhilarating, in a good way. Besides, it wouldn't be long before dawn, anyway. "You've talked me into it."

"Will," Henry whispered softly.

"Hm?" Will prompted. There was a long pause.

"Nah. Just... sweet dreams."

Henry thought he might have some sweet dreams himself, after weeks of nightmares. He would forego the surgery, at least for now. With Will beside him, he felt like he could face anything, even the scary changes his body was going through. If only he didn't scare the man off. He instinctively moved closer to Will, and the taller man sleepily cuddled him, relishing the body heat. Henry finally melted into a deep sleep, with not a worry in the world.

TBC


	2. The world is round

**Title:** The world is round

**Fandom:** Sanctuary

**Characters:** Henry Foss, Will Zimmerman, Helen Magnus, Ashley, Bigfoot

**Rating:** **M**, although there's nothing overly explicit. Okay, maybe a little bit, plus a few instances of strong or suggestive language.

**Summary:** Part 2 of New Beginnings, which follows my previous series set in the same verse: One door closes. This chapter is set during episode 9.

**Warnings:** This story has some obligatory angst (Blame the show's writers, not me! I didn't write the scene that led to this), some comfort, and a whole lot of **SPOILERS**. Please do NOT read if you haven't watched **Episode 9**.

This story is quite clearly Henry/Will slash, and happily so. If you're afraid of, or otherwise offended by, **SLASH** then; might I advise you to RUN, not walk, away as fast as your little underage, or otherwise insecure/bigoted legs can carry you? Thanks. That will be all. What? You're still here? Oh. Well, then. Have at it, if you will.

**Notes:** Sorry about the pseudo-cliffhanger. I have to decide where this scene is going to go before I post anything else. Enjoy!  
**  
**Some of the dialogue is taken directly from the episode's script. If you've watched it, you know exactly where it ends and my own begins. Subtext added by the author's fiery imagination for all things slash. Complete phrases or sentences in _italics_ represent character thoughts. Single _words _italicized for emphasis. Title based on the following quote:

_The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning. _

_** Ivy Baker Priest **_

* * *

"Ahoy, mateys!" Henry's voice said over the speakers. Helen stared at him with a quizzical expression on her face, wondering where on Earth he'd come up with that ridiculous accent. She heard Will cracking up behind her and shook her head.

"It's because you're at sea," Henry explained, his face on the screen both awkward and more than a little tongue-in-cheek about it.

Helen sat back down, not missing the loopy boyish grin on Will's face as he gestured his amused approval at Henry.

"Henry, are you certain these are the proper coordinates?" Helen asked, all business. She was far from stupid, so the fact that her until recently nearly suicidal tech whiz and her slightly disengaged and overly serious psych person were both suddenly giddy and chummy with each other did not for a second escape her attention. She could put two and two together; it was only that she had not expected this development at all. She hated when she didn't see things coming. Helen was not a surprise loving kind of lass, not by any stretch of the imagination. While she certainly didn't mind, and she especially appreciated having Henry back in good spirits, she couldn't help but worry.

That train of thought was thoroughly derailed by the mention of so-called Sally, the mermaid. She just stared from one man to the other as they justified their nickname of the mermaid with more of that banter that spoke of private jokes and other asinine cahoots. Where her daughter Ashley might have interjected something crude along the lines of 'get a room, you two,' Helen simply returned the conversation to the business at hand. Besides, the way these two were acting, she wouldn't be surprised if one of them wouldn't just answer that they already had gotten a room, thank you very much.

Will's eyes positively sparkled when he looked at Henry, and Henry was just being twice the clown as he ever was. Obviously he was playing to an appreciative audience that Helen was sure it wasn't her.

"If you two are finished," Helen said, with finality. Sally, _indeed_.

The boys went on about the Bermuda Triangle until Helen had enough. Henry and Will both did their best not to look at each other while talking to her, but the moment she turned her back on either, they'd be sneaking glances and little private smiles. She cut the connection with Henry mid-ramble, which left Will giggling stupidly to himself.

She didn't mind this. She really didn't. It was just that they truly made her feel like she was a thousand years old instead of a hundred and change. Such playfulness between adult males in her era would have never happened. The word unseemly came to mind, as much as she tried to keep up with the times. Of course, their interaction was also quite adorable.

Will had tried to remain serious and businesslike in company, but Henry was just too damn funny when he wanted to be. He laughed softly at the man's enthusiasm, but he also felt a pang of guilt for being here with Helen. He knew how much Henry had wanted to be a part of this trip. He would had happily given up the adventure and let Henry come in his stead. Actually, he would have happily given his spot to anyone at all. He wasn't at all keen on being trapped for hours underwater in a glorified tin can. Will merely felt bad because of how eager Henry had been about the idea of being included on the mission, but Dr. Magnus was the boss, and she had decided she needed Will here.

He'd spent the night with Henry again last night, and watched him try not to pout because he hadn't been invited in the end. He'd done his best to make it up to Henry, though. _Three times_, he thought, still smiling. _Seems to be Henry's magic number._ He remembered the awkwardness before their first night together. All the harrowing ups and downs and arguments between them had worn both of them down after the snake creature incident. They'd confronted demons old and new, and ended up sharing something beautiful. He was kind of proud of that. _I better get my head in the game before Magnus catches me daydreaming._

"You know, you got to admit it is kind of cool," Will started, launching a renewed effort to interest Helen in the mystique of the Bermuda Triangle, but she wasn't biting. Not even a little bit.

Both Helen and Will would be praying for sunken cities or time-traveling aliens before the day was through. Anything but what they actually encountered.

The mission took a gory turn only a few minutes later, and things only grew from bad to worse from there. When it was all over, Will just sat in a corner, pale as a ghost. Helen gave up trying to converse with him. She took every opportunity to walk by and watch him, and she even asked if he was okay a few times. Will would unfailingly paste on a cordial smile that didn't reach his eyes and say he was fine, just exhausted. He even joked about playing hooky for the next adventure, and something about never touching fish again.

In the meantime, he waited numbly for the slow decompression of ascent to finish so that they could disembark in the San Juan bay and from there drive to the airport to fly back home.

* * *

By the time Will Zimmerman and Helen Magnus finally made it back to the Sanctuary Will's practiced, mild, toothless smile was firmly pasted on. Helen herself was pensive and quiet. Only when the car stopped at its final destination, did she address Will again.

"Will?" she asked, the question all-encompassing in its simplicity.

"I'm... It's gonna be okay, Magnus. I'm just a little shell-shocked. I just need a good night's sleep," Will replied, trying to convince himself more than Helen.

He could see that she didn't buy it, but she respected him enough to let it go for now. She nodded, her eyes concerned, and opened the door to the car. The sounds of arguing could be clearly heard. More exactly, Henry's voice, up in arms about something.

"I told you I was coming with you to meet them at the airport! You had no right to just take off like that!" Henry spat through gritted teeth. The only thing missing was the spittle flying from his figurative foaming at the mouth.

Bigfoot grunted knowingly. "You were needed here," he said wisely.

"No! This is why I installed all this unforgivably expensive state of the art security system; so that I wouldn't have to mind it every damn second of my life."

"Henry, what is the meaning of this?" Helen asked, perplexed. She looked around for an explanation, but Bigfoot was patiently staring back at Henry, and Ashley was unhelpfully rolling her eyes. Will had stepped out of the car and walked around the back past the trunk, steeling himself for company he wasn't ready for. Right now all he needed was some alone time to properly collapse after such a heinous day. Henry's face whipped to face Magnus.

"Are you guys alright?" The question was addressed to Helen, but Henry's eyes had long moved past her and fixated on a very guarded Will.

"They're fine, Henry. Unclench, please," Ashley said, abrasive as ever.

"I should have come along to bring you home," Henry continued, throwing an accusing glare at Bigfoot, who had already walked away to get the bags and equipment from the trunk. Ashley went to help him.

"We're okay, Henry," Will answered in his calmest voice, still wearing that plastic smile.

"We can have a debriefing tomorrow, after we're properly rested. Besides, I still have several more tests to run and catalog before I can answer any questions with certainty," Helen offered. "Henry, I'm going to need your expertise. We must procure secure containment for the parasite's remains. We have no idea of knowing if it can survive being frozen solid."

"Yeah, okay," Henry said automatically, but he wasn't listening. Will had been inching his way towards the door, aching to be inside and away from people. Henry walked up to him, eyes wide with concern, and touched his arm. "Are you sure you're alright? You smell... all over the place," he told Will softly.

Magnus tilted her head and followed Henry with her gaze. She began to wonder if this budding - whatever it was - would end up becoming a problem for them all. Her main priority was to keep a viable and effective working environment. She had managed to do so with varying degrees of success in the past and, as always, she was ever weighing her crew's interpersonal interactions against the needs of the Sanctuary. This obvious affective turmoil would have to be handled delicately.

"It's okay, Henry. I'm okay," Will replied.

"No, you're not," Henry insisted in a whisper, supposedly for Will's ears only. He sniffed the air, taking in the dried up fear sweat, the adrenalin, the tears. Will was a cocktail of distress signals, and every instinct in Henry was raging to protect Will. He wanted nothing more than to take the man to his den where he'd be safe."You're shivering," he observed.

Will indeed was. He had been shivering intermittently since a "possessed" Magnus had forced him into ice cold sea water earlier. "I'm still a bit cold, that's all." Compounding the bone-deep chill he could still feel like a bad memory, there was all the tension and grief he was holding inside. He needed to get away soon. He must not lose his marbles in present company, not when Magnus was grooming him to take over one day. Having a nervous breakdown now would hardly inspire confidence in his capabilities.

Bigfoot sensed Will discomfort. He grabbed Henry's shoulder, intending to pull him away. "Leave them be, Henry. They've been through enough."

Henry shot a decidedly inhuman growl Bigfoot's way, his eyes gleaming a golden jade. He was quite upset, and had been for hours.

He had been at wit's end when they had lost the Nautilus' signal. When they finally got communications back, his relief was short lived. The sparse account Magnus had given of their underwater ordeal and the fact that Will was nowhere to be seen in the transmission had been a bad enough sign; but upon hearing they had nearly lost their lives Henry had become a nervous wreck. Henry simply didn't believe Magnus when she informed him that Will was supposedly in the back, resting, and she didn't have the heart to bother him. He had instead entertained every worst case scenario possible. His visions of a maimed Will were still quite fresh in his mind.

"Henry!" Will cried out, stiffening as Henry tightened his grip on him almost painfully.

Bigfoot growled a soft warning deep in his chest, but he slowly removed his hand. Henry threw a mildly apologetic glance at Helen before pleading with Will.

"I've been worried sick. Sick!" Henry hissed through gritted teeth. "I thought you were mortally injured, or dead."

Magnus gaped at the unexpected dynamic unfolding before her eyes. It was vexing, if she were to be honest; worrisome, for sure. It was also a little bit heartbreaking, and she felt she didn't have enough information here to know precisely what to say. She felt for Henry, for she loved him like a son, but she could sense Will wanted to be alone right now.

Ashley intervened, reading her mother's face. "He's been like that since we got the call. He was merely homicidal and impossible before that, while you were incommunicado," she added, her voice dripping with sarcasm. It was actually quite a deft move on her part, defusing a volatile situation with her dismissive tone.

Magnus nodded once, sharply. "Well, Henry. We thank you for your concern, but I think Will actually needs his rest right now. As you can see, he's in one piece, as am I," she said politely, but iron lurked under the velvet tone.

Henry looked from Helen to Will, who wouldn't look at him. _He wants to be alone. Oh. Ouch. Oh. Am I being selfish here?_ He let go of Will's arm. "I'm sorry," he said, looking like someone had just kicked his puppy. He looked over at Bigfoot and repeated the apology. "M'sorry."

"It's alright. I... uh... I'm just tired," Will offered blandly, but he took one look at Henry and his heart fell. He realized Magnus was giving him an out, but he could only imagine if their positions were reversed. How worried would he have been if it had been Henry in that sub instead of him? His heart told him: plenty. His decision was made.

"Actually... Henry, would you mind bringing me some hot cocoa, or tea? I've got this chill, but I don't think I can make it past my room without collapsing." He figured Henry was good company, and a shoulder to lean on might be better than curling up under the blankets alone. It was worth a try, and he could always ask Henry to give him some space if needed. "I'm sorry to impose."

"No. Not at all," Henry interjected swiftly. "I'll... meet you in your room?" he added, glancing over at Magnus for either approval or permission. He couldn't tell which. It was interesting how he naturally deferred to Helen. They all did.

"You let him rest, now," Helen said, sounding very much like a mother.

"I'll be quiet as a mouse," Henry offered sheepishly. He gave Will and adoring grateful look as he passed him on his way to the kitchen.

Will could only offer a wan smile in return before announcing, "I think I should retire now, while I can still stand." He barely waited for Helen's nod before walking away at last.

"Come on, mom. I can help you with the lab stuff," Ashley said, taking her mother's arm.

"Careful with that," Helen told Bigfoot, already busy with the next task at hand.

Ashley hung on to her mother, the persistent contact the only sign that she had been almost as worried for her as Henry had been for Will.

* * *

Will's door was ajar, so Henry knocked and walked in slowly after hearing no reply. "Are you decent?" he joked lamely. It had been torture to leave Will out of his sight when he smelled so lost and scared, especially when Henry had been plenty lost and scared himself, and mad with worry.

He found Will sitting on his bed, fully clothed and staring at the wall, still as a statue.

"I brought you cocoa. I thought it would be more comforting than tea." Henry stood for a moment, studying Will.

"Hey," Will the apathetic ghost replied. "Thanks."

Henry set the small tray with the cocoa and biscuits on the night table and went to close the door. He walked back and knelt in front of Will, his eyes concerned.

"Hey, yourself. Baby? What is it? What do you want me to do?" he asked the seated man. After his little scene outside with Bigfoot, Henry wouldn't be surprised if Will merely sent him away. He was well aware Will asking him for a beverage had been a courtesy to let him save face in front of the others. "Do you want to be alone?" he reluctantly asked. _Please say no. Please, say no. Don't send me away. I've been dying all night and since afternoon._

Will's haunted eyes left the wall and descended to meet Henry's. "Yes," he answered mildly. "No." There was another pause. "I don't know."

"Okay. Tell you what," Henry replied. "I'll tell you what I think, and you can tell me if I'm wrong. That alright?"

Will nodded his assent, looking very young.

"You smell a mess. Wait. That came out all wrong. You always smell beautiful to me, but your scent is all... wrong. Wonky. Like, the emotional roller-coaster from hell ran you over and dragged your carcass for a few miles, wonky. You have that sea water and deathly afraid smell, and then there's a tang of aggression under it, and relief. Then there's the adrenalin whiff, and tears. Ever since you got here, it's all I can do not to wolf out and take you to my den to guard you and keep you safe," Henry blurted out. He took a deep breath. For someone who was terrible at talking about feelings, he was pretty good at verbalizing all these sensory impressions. "How am I doing, so far?"

Will's face barely changed, but he was now wringing and scratching his hands as if he had an itch that wouldn't quit all over the back of his hands. Henry took them firmly and brought them to his face to kiss the fists Will made in response.

"I'll do whatever you want. I'll draw you a hot bath, and you can wash all the confusing smells off your skin for starters. I'm pretty sure you'd feel better. Or I can take a hike, now that I know you're unhurt," he offered again, weakly. Will's silence was beginning to worry him.

"I just," Will finally spoke. "I couldn't... didn't want to fall apart out there, in front of everyone." He sounded like a ghost, compounding Henry's first visual impression upon arriving in Will's room.

_Clammy hands, barely responsive. Fuck._ "Will, baby. I think you're in shock. Maybe we should go to the infirmary."

Will's face crumpled for a moment as he shook his head no. His voice broke. "It was horrible."

Henry rubbed Will's cold hands until they started to unclench and felt like live human flesh again. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Will shook his head much more emphatically this time, but the movement slowed down as his features wavered with tears that wouldn't come. He started trembling, but still his eyes remained stubbornly dry. Henry got up and wrapped his strong arms around Will's lean form, who dissolved convulsively into his embrace.

"Oh, God," Will said, even though he was pretty firmly agnostic. "Oh, Jeez," he continued. It was nothing but the learned cultural response to extreme duress of the kind Will had lived through today.

"I got you. I got you, baby." _Oh, man, I love you so much. I wish I could make it all go away._

"Don't go," Will said a few times.

Henry's voice tightened with emotion. "Not going anywhere," he managed to reply, and his eyes watered when Will started sobbing against his chest.

But Will's eyes were still dry. Henry let Will cling to him, muttering words of comfort where appropriate. If his voice became more gravelly, and his ears took on a more pointed appearance, neither noticed. A long time passed, and more than once Will's shivering became so pronounced and uncontrollable Henry wasn't entirely convinced Will didn't have the bends.

"I killed her."

The whispered pronouncement startled a response out of Henry. "What?"

"I had to," Will continued, his voice hoarse and airy. He made a choking sound trying to take a deep breath. "I almost couldn't bring her back."

It sounded like the words had been tortured out of him. The tears finally came.

"I had to," Will sobbed brokenly.

"I know, baby. I know. I believe you," Henry replied dutifully. He didn't know. He had no idea what the hell Will was talking about, although he could fancy a guess. But he did believe Will. He believed him with all his heart, and not only because of his trust and his love for the man. The new, improved Henry could literally smell a lie.

Henry held Will for the longest time, until his tears ran out. He pulled up the hem of his tee shirt to wipe both tears and snot from Will's face, thinking: _Dude, this is the sign of true love right here. _He was about to pull it back down when he felt Will's hands stop him, tugging at his shirt as if trying to pull it off him. Then Henry realized there was no 'as if' in the equation. Will was tugging his shirt off him, pleading with his eyes.

"Please," Will said uncertainly, his breath still sobby and uneven.

Henry could only blink at him stupidly for a moment before he understood what was going on and he raised his arms up to let Will yank the tee shirt off him the rest of the way.

"Please," Will repeated desperately, moving in for a sloppy kiss.

"You're sure about this?" Henry mumbled afterwards, gently cradling Will's blotchy, flushed face in his hands. He took in the swollen, mildly bloodshot eyes, the red nose and the puffy, quivering mouth and decided he still found that face utterly beautiful.

A litany of whispered begging was his reply, and Henry's heart swelled so much that he hungrily kissed Will into silence if only to prevent an ill-advised I love you to fall from his lips at a very inopportune time.

Will, for his part, was consumed with the need to feel the heat of Henry's touch. He felt like it was the only thing that could drive that accursed chill out from his bones. He kept seeing Helen's dead face every time he closed his eyes, but he could bear it as long as Henry was kissing him. He could feel the depth of what he took for a very intense passion, maybe even the beginnings of love, in Henry's every touch. It was the only thing keeping him sane. He felt things he could not name, an instinct to surrender his body to this fiery man, a sense of coming home that he couldn't recognize because he had always been a gypsy, a nomad without one.

All he knew for certain was the rightness he felt when he was with Henry. He was glad he didn't follow his initial gut instinct to tough this out alone. He might have gotten lost in a morass of regret without Henry there to ground him. Will went to a place beyond words, where he could only moan and beg wordlessly for Henry's touch, where the weight of Henry's body was the only thing preventing him from shattering into a million pieces to be blown away by the wind.

TBC


	3. Resurrected Part 1

**Title:** Resurrected, part 1

**Fandom:** Sanctuary

**Characters:** Henry Foss, Will Zimmerman, Bigfoot

**Rating:** **M**, for explicit allusions to nummy, sexy acts that we shan't mention outright. A few instances of strong, or suggestive language.

**Summary:** A tumultuous morning after leads to grief, but also honesty. Part 3 of the New Beginnings series. Follows my previous series set in the same verse: One door closes. Set before, during and after episode 9.

**Warnings:** This story is quite clearly Henry/Will slash, and happily so. If you're afraid of, or otherwise offended by, **SLASH** then; might I advise you to RUN, not walk, away as fast as your little underage, or otherwise insecure/bigoted legs can carry you? Thanks. That will be all. What? You're still here? Oh. Well, then. Have at it, if you will.

**Notes:** Some of the dialogue in the series will be taken directly from the episode's script. If you've watched it, you'll know exactly where it ends and my own begins. Subtext added by the author's fiery imagination for all things slash. Complete phrases or sentences in _italics_ represent character thoughts. Single _words _italicized for emphasis. Title inspired by this quote:

_Only after disaster can we be resurrected._  
_** Chuck Palahniuk  
**_

* * *

Henry awoke with an expression of bliss on his face. His senses were full of Will Zimmerman. His scent was warm and pulsating as it wafted direct from the source with every sonorous heartbeat, every one of which Henry's ear pressed to Will's chest caught clearly. A whole subtler gamut of the man's scent now lingered all over Henry's skin, and he wasn't at all sorry for those dried up wet spots that had surely soaked into the bedding by now. He thought he might trade with Will for this mattress. Henry would never get rid of, so long as he lived, he thought. His eyes gazed upon the subtle swell of muscle of Will's chest, and he raised a hand to gently trace the dusky rose nipple in his line of sight. The solid pillow of flesh under him pushed against his face as Will took a deep breath.

"Hi," a breathy, throaty voice said that must have been Will's.

"Shh. Go back to sleep," Henry whispered.

Last night he had said no to Will, although there had been begging. Begging that had wreaked havoc on both his heart and his libido, but he had resolutely denied Will's request. He felt oddly embarrassed about it.

_Even though I wanted to. I wanted to so much. I still do. But even though I can't believe I'm thinking this, I want to wait. I want it to be right. Maybe it's archaic, silly or antiquated_. _I can't help feeling stupid about it, because I had never felt the desire to... not do what comes naturally. This is different, though. It's Will. I want it to be special, I guess. Will is special. I don't want to go all the way with him because he's overwhelmed and his world is falling apart, or he needs to forget. I want him to... to... want to go on this trip with me. I want it to mean something, because it's Will. I know it's not 1950, but I don't wanna be just a fuck. _

Will's sleepy croak broke Henry's reverie. "Can't. Awake now." He paused, and added, "...ish."

"Hm," Henry hushed. "Sleep." He turned his face to kiss Will's chest gently.

A big, sleepy smile spread across Will's face as he snorted. "Why are we whispering?" he whispered back, quoting a hundred comedies.

It made Henry chuckle.

The sound was very welcome to Will, who was having a hard time deciding what to do or say. He'd been awake for some time, trying to make sense of his many and contradictory feelings about what was happening between him and Henry and his being here this morning. He was at war with himself and plagued with the malady of over-thinking.__

It was all so clear to me until the night before last. I could see everything, and it all seemed to fall into place. What's wrong with me now? Why did I let this happen again, if I'm having doubts? Well, duh. I know why. I killed Helen yesterday, and I was primed to implode if it hadn't been for Henry. Did I just use him, then?

_No. We've done this before and, God, it was awesome, for sure. But now what? What right do I have to play with Henry's feelings like this? What if I don't feel the same? What if I can't ever feel the same? I should have never done this. But it felt so good to let go. He's so good to me, but am I any good to him? He's in a delicate place, and the last thing he needs is someone like me further destabilizing him. I can't shake the feeling that he would have gone through with the surgery if he thought I wanted him to. I don't want that kind of power over anyone. What have I done? _

"Uh-oh," Henry said when he looked up and saw past the smile and into Will's tortured eyes.

Will didn't reply right away. He didn't know where to start.

"Will. William," Henry insisted. His heart sank. _I've seen this movie. The ending always sucks for me._ "What's going on in that head of yours?" he asked mildly.

"Nothing," Will replied a bit too quickly. "I... ah..."

Henry swallowed slowly. His tone was careful. "Doesn't sound like nothing." _See? We didn't even do the big __**P**__ and he's still freaking out. _Henry braced himself, because he knew that when faced with life or death situations, people tended to make hasty decisions about big issues, especially big issues dealing with matters of the heart, or worse, with their sexual identity. This could either be very good or end very, very badly. Will didn't strike him as the hasty decisions kind of guy, but then again: life or death.

"I feel like I've taken advantage," Will managed haltingly, his voice still hoarse. "I'm. You're wonderful, Henry. I've. I mean. What's happened between us..."

"Oh, God," Henry said. "Is this the part where you tell me you've decided you're a hundred and fifty percent straight after all and this was all a mistake? And can we just be friends? How am I doing so far?"

"It's not that," Will said uncertainly. "I just... I had no right..."

"To what? To have an amazing time? To enjoy your body with someone who... who cares about you, who's not a stranger?" Henry retorted passionately.

"The last thing you need right now, Henry, is someone who doesn't know what they want," Will replied sullenly.

"You're wrong," Henry countered, fully awake. His voice was a bit unsteady. "I can deal with you not knowing what you want. But the last thing I need is you pretending that we didn't _really_ connect last night, and the times before." There. He had said it. There would be no willful denial on his watch. No, sir.

"I never said that. Last night was... my God, I don't even have words."

"So what's the problem, then? If you... so long as you're feeling good... why fuck a good thing up? What am I doing wrong here?" Henry pressed on, sounding increasingly upset.

"Nothing! You did nothing wrong, and that's the problem. You take nothing for yourself. Even when I offer... you stop me."

"Oh, I can't believe you just said that. What? You think I didn't take you up on your offer because I'm that _selfless_? Seriously?" Henry scoffed, exasperated. "Have you met me? Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to control myself around you? But what you wanted... I told you, you weren't ready, and _obviously_ I was right. If we'd gone all the way last night I wouldn't even be here now, would I? You would've kicked me out, or run and hid in your office."

Will felt his face redden with embarrassment. "Henry, I don't..." He shook his head and tried a different tack. "You need stability right now. That's something I don't know that I can give you. I don't even... I'm not even sure what's happening between us. Not to mention, after what happened yesterday, I need to decide if I'm really cut out for this job. I'm gonna need time to figure it out, to figure myself out, and I'm afraid you'll think I'm just giving you the brush off. And we both know it's a bad idea, us being co-workers and all."

"Oh, so you now _you_ wanna play the selfless card? Bullshit. Don't tell me what I need, okay? Can you do that for me, ya think? And can the office romance b.s. too. We're not pencil pushers flirting over cubicles here. The usual rules were never gonna apply. Plus, I know what I want," he finished meaningfully, his eyes boring into Will's.

"Henry," Will protested weakly, and looked away.

"Tell me, then. Look me in the eye and tell me you don't feel anything when we're together, and I'll never bring it up again." Henry said, fiercely quiet.

"No." _Anything? I feel way too much. I just can't figure out what it is I'm feeling._ Will was running out of arguments. What was worse, he was running out of the will to argue.

"No, what?" Henry insisted earnestly, his heart about to break. _Was that a no, I don't feel anything? Dammit, Will. Don't do this. Please, just... don't._

"No, I can't say that. See? This is exactly what I didn't want," Will mumbled. "Henry, please, calm down."

Henry's eyes flashed golden, and sharp pains stung his face as his ears elongated to points and his teeth stretched into fangs and back. "Calm down? Don't tell me to calm down!" he snarled through too many teeth. He then gasped and scrambled to turn away from Will until he was sitting on the edge of the bed, curled in on himself and breathing through his mouth. "D-don't see me like this," he whispered fiercely.

Will couldn't help the small, short cry the snarl in Henry's voice wrenched from him. In a heated flash, Henry's gentle features had become savage; otherworldly and beautiful in their own way; but frightening at the same time.

"Henry," Will said softly, reaching out to touch the man's back. Henry flinched away from his touch, gasping in pain from trying to control his change. He was blind with terror, thinking that in his anger, the beast would surely tear his beloved Will apart. He wanted to run away, fast, but he didn't think he could do that and hold back the change too.

"Go, Will. I can't... control it."

"No. Henry, you're not gonna hurt me," Will insisted stubbornly. "You won't hurt me. I trust you."

Henry let out an anguished sob. "Get away from me," he growled. His hands had turned to claws, and he could feel thick hairs pushing through his skin to the surface all over his arms and legs.

He got up and stumbled over to the commode lest Will touch him again. The damage he could do with those claws, he thought, and Will was so soft, so frail. He could smell his heat from here, he could smell the blood coursing through his veins. He saw his face in the mirror and he smashed it with sharp talons.

Will jumped off the bed to the sound of breaking glass and snapping wood. His hands were shaking, and he was breathing a little hard. Still, he tried to reason with Henry.

"It's okay, Henry. I know you would never hurt me," he said in the most even voice he could muster up. This was his fault. He had upset Henry by allowing this to happen between them. If Henry accidentally hurt someone now, he would never forgive himself, and neither would Will.

Henry didn't answer. He was too busy gouging deep grooves into the thrashed commode as he tried to keep it together long enough for Will to escape, but the stupid man wasn't running away yet.

"It's me, Will. Are you still there? Can you understand me?"

With a swipe of his claws, Henry tossed everything that was on top of the commode to the floor with a crash and a clatter, broken glass and all. He turned around violently with the sole purpose of getting Will away from him and to safety.

"GO!" he roared at the top of his lungs, shattering the last of Will's nerve.

Will scrambled back, the sudden, gut-wrenching instinctual terror shocking tears out of him. He hit his back against the door knob, and it took him several tries to unlock the door because his hands were shaking too much. He ran out, slamming the door behind him as Henry's bellows followed him down the hall.

TBC


	4. Resurrected Part 2

**Title:** Resurrected, part 2

**Fandom:** Sanctuary

**Characters:** Henry Foss, Will Zimmerman, Bigfoot

**Rating:** **M**, for explicit allusions to nummy, sexy acts that we shan't mention outright. A few instances of profanity and other strong, or suggestive language.

**Summary:** A tumultuous morning after leads to grief, but also honesty. Part 4 of the New Beginnings series. Set immediately following part 3. **New beginnings** follows my previous series in the same verse: **One door closes**. Set before, during and after episode 9.

**Warnings:** This story is quite clearly Henry/Will slash, and happily so. If you're afraid of, or otherwise offended by, **SLASH** then; might I advise you to RUN, not walk, away as fast as your little underage, or otherwise insecure/bigoted legs can carry you? Thanks. That will be all. What? You're still here? Oh. Well, then. Have at it, if you will.

**Notes:** Some of the dialogue in the series will be taken directly from the episode's script. If you've watched it, you'll know exactly where it ends and my own begins. Subtext added by the author's fiery imagination for all things slash. Complete phrases or sentences in _italics_ represent character thoughts. Single _words _italicized for emphasis. Title inspired by this quote:

_Only after disaster can we be resurrected._  
_** Chuck Palahniuk**_

* * *

Will felt his heart do its very best to beat its way right out of his chest. Henry's feral visage had not been enough to scare him off, but the snarling howls that still carried down the halls had been bloodcurdling. Instinct took over, and he had blindly fled his own room like Henry had ordered him to.

He ran down the nearest stairs to the next floor and didn't stop his mad dash until he turned a corner and ran smack into Bigfoot. Will screamed when large, hairy hands grabbed him by the upper arms.

Bigfoot grunted a few times in annoyance as he looked down at the struggling, naked man in his grasp. "Where are your clothes, William? You smell like a brothel," he said in his deep monotone. Bigfoot didn't need enhanced senses to smell Henry all over the man. Before Will could answer, he asked in a much more concerned voice. "Where is Henry?"

Will only realized he was buck naked when Bigfoot pointed it out. He didn't even have the decency to blush, he was too worried about Henry.

"He changed... right in front of me. He got upset... I... upset him. He... I'm afraid he might hurt himself... or..."

"Where?" Bigfoot insisted forcefully, squeezing Will's biceps. He wanted to shake the man whom he knew was making his friend suffer.

Will winced, and looked up at Bigfoot with a wide-eyed gaze. "Ow... Okay. You're hurting me now. I left him in my room."

Bigfoot made an exasperated sound and shoved Will aside as gently as his great strength allowed.

It was all Will could do not to fall flat on his rather exposed ass. Will watched the big man take off after Henry and, as soon as he found his balance, turned right back around to follow.

"Wait," Will called out, catching up with Bigfoot at the top of the stairs.

Bigfoot growled softly, making Will look up at him, pale and wide-eyed.

"I'm sorry," Will apologized, surprised and hurt at Bigfoot's unspoken accusation. It wasn't like he didn't already feel guilty, he thought.

They walked briskly to his room, Bigfoot's longer strides leaving Will behind once more. They could both see Will's door was open.

Bigfoot ran inside, "Henry?"

Will was right behind him, but by the time he reached the door, Bigfoot was coming back out. "He's not here."

"Where could he... ow!?"

Will looked down at the floor when he felt a sharp sting under his bare foot. Henry had trailed some of the broken mirror out into the hallway. He followed a faint trail of wood chips and shiny glass with his eyes. "He went that way."

Bigfoot grunted a few times questioningly. Will was already extracting the piece of glass from the sole of his foot.

"I'm okay, big guy. Go. Find him, please," he said, tossing aside the bloody glass. It was just a tiny cut. "I'm right behind you."

Needing no further encouragement, Bigfoot bounded down the hallway with agility and speed that belied his size.

Will was about to follow, but then he remembered. _Clothes. _He limped inside his room, where he hastily pulled on a pair of jeans, uncharacteristically not bothering with underwear. He then threw on the first shirt he saw and hurried back out to follow Bigfoot and the trail, gingerly jogging in spite of the cut.

Although he was nowhere in sight, Will only had to run around the corner and down an adjacent corridor. He didn't need a trail, he could simply follow the sound of Bigfoot's voice.

"Don't make me come out there," Will heard Bigfoot call out through one of the immense glass windows on this wing of the Sanctuary, which was wide open. The cold morning wind poured into the hallway, giving Will a chill.

"Where is he?" he said, squeezing past Bigfoot to look outside.

Bigfoot put his large paw on Will's shoulder and turned the man to face him. "I think you've done enough," he said accusingly.

Will's cheeks colored with shame. "No. You're right, this _is_ my fault. Which is why I need to be the one to fix it. He'll listen to me."

Giving no sign of having heard, Bigfoot did not release Will immediately. He glared at the young scientist, as if trying to make up his mind about him. Either that, thought Will, or deciding how many pieces to break his bones into.

Will glared right back, setting his jaw. "I'm going," he said stubbornly. Zimmermans are like mules, his maternal grandmother used to say. He could almost hear her now. Will couldn't, in all honesty, say that she was wrong.

Bigfoot grunted meaningfully, and let go of his shoulder, looking unconvinced. Will nodded at him and lowered his gaze, feeling guilty as hell. He looked out and saw the sad spectacle that was Henry, sitting on the eave that hung from a section of sheer wall between windows. He was hugging his knees to his chest, naked and looking miserable.

"Henry, please come inside," Will called to him, giving it the old college try.

He was completely ignored, so Will sighed and climbed out the window under Bigfoot's disapproving glare. It gave him a small measure of comfort that the eaves on this side of the building were wide enough to be verandas. Still, he couldn't help the slight tug of vertigo as he stepped out onto the breezy ledge.

As he got closer, he saw the slightly bluish tinge of Henry's lips. He ignored the sandy dust abrading the cut on his foot and made his way to his lover. _Yeah, because that's what he is. Isn't he? My lover. Whether I'm comfortable with it or not, that's where we're at. God, I'm such an idiot. _

"Go away, Will," Henry said, sounding defeated. "Just leave me alone."

"You're gonna freeze to death out here," Will said, in the same stubborn voice he'd used on Bigfoot.

"What do you care?" Henry had shut himself off, just like he had after that whole business with the snake creature. He was sullen and unresponsive.

"I care. I never said I didn't," Will insisted. "Please come inside. I'm getting a chill, and I'm clothed. You must be freezing."

Henry finally moved. He turned his head to the side to face Will. His eyes were hurt, accusing, angry, hopeless, and still that metallic golden green hue from before.

"Please stop sulking and come on. Please?" Will begged.

"I was right all along," Henry said sadly. "I could have killed you." His voice sounded very far away. He was consumed by shame and more than a dash of self-pity.

Will insisted. He wasn't having it. "I doubt that."

"Are you stupid?" Henry spat, and his eyes sparkled. "Weren't you there? Jesus, Will. You saw... you... I tore your room apart because... because you won't... I'm a monster, man. You better face it. Get out while you can. It's what you wanted, right? So, this is your chance. Go for it."

"I'm not stupid, Henry. You put on a big show to scare me off. Why? Because you were afraid you might hurt me. You pushed me away to keep me safe."

Will took a moment to consider his own words. He snorted with very little humor and shook his head.

"What's so funny?" Henry asked, considering Will's words carefully.

"That I guess I was trying to do the same to you. Turnabout is fair play, I guess."

"Okay, Will. You lost me there."

"I was pushing you away too, because I was afraid of hurting you."

Henry steeled himself. He couldn't afford to hope. Not again. It was over.

"Still don't follow," he said in a tight voice. His thoughts were all over the place. _I just gave you an out. Seriously. Why don't you just take it and leave me the hell alone? _

"I realize that, Henry. And I'm sorry to put you through this but, that's the thing. I don't wanna leave you alone. Even when I tell myself I do, I know it's not true."

_Fuck. _"Did I just say that out loud? Or are you reading minds now?" Henry asked, glancing over at Will with a stricken face.

Will was blushing fiercely. He wrapped his arms around himself, shivering slightly from the cold, but gave Henry a tiny half smile. "Loud and clear."

"Aw, crap," Henry said, closing his eyes tight. It was national faux pas month in Henry's world, it seemed.

"Okay. Truth? The problem isn't that I'm confused. It was never that. It isn't that I don't feel, Henry. It's that I already feel too much stuff that I don't even have a name for, and it's way too fast, and I," Will paused, heaving a tired sigh before finishing his thought. "I... uh... freaked out. I'm sorry."

"What the fuck are you talking about? You're kidding. Right?" Henry said, but his voice wavered and sounded very small. It was almost lost in the whistle of the wind. His eyes filled. "Don't, Will. Stop giving me hope, man." _Not unless you really mean it. _

Will figured he might as well get it all out of his system, since they were already on the subject. God knew he would rather be flayed alive than bring any of this up again.

"I don't know what to do. That's the problem. I'm afraid that it's all happening too soon and that I won't be able to... to go the distance. I'm afraid I'm just gonna hurt you more in the end if it doesn't work out. And it's not fair. It's not fair to you... to either of us."

Henry groaned and thumped his head back against the wall a few times. He rubbed his hands all over his face then draped them over his knees. A gust of wind swelled past them and he finally started to feel the cold. Either he had been too caught up inside his head, or the change generated enough heat to have lasted him until now. Something to ponder at a later date. He gave Will a haunted look, then turned his face forward to gaze down at the city. He sounded very tired when he spoke.

"I could give a crap about fair, Will," he confessed. "All I want is you."

"Oh, Henry," Will whispered, feeling like a fist had tightened around his heart.

"See? I told you, you weren't ready," Henry joked weakly, looking so sad that it made Will want to wrap him in his arms and never let go.

"Let's go inside," Will said softly, laying his hand on Henry's bicep. "Jesus, you're really freezing!" Will hurriedly pulled off his shirt and forced it on Henry.

"Will, what are you doing? Aren't you cold?" The act somewhat snapped Henry out of his misery.

"Yeah, but at least I have pants. Come on. It's miserable out here, and my foot's bleeding," Will answered, getting up and offering Henry his hand. "I'm already on Big's shit list for this. If you get sick, he'll probably poison my coffee."

"He wouldn't dare," Henry muttered darkly. He put the shirt on and got up, reluctantly following Will. He stopped before they reached the open window, even though his teeth were beginning to chatter.

Will turned around when he couldn't pull Henry any further. He knew this conversation was far from over.

"Let's get inside," he repeated. "We can talk more if we don't freeze to death out here." Will used the puppy dog look that had always gotten him pretty much whatever he wanted. It was a dirty trick, but his nipples felt like they were about to crystallize and fall off from the cold. Henry had to be literally freezing his ass off, he thought, what with no pants on. "Please?"

Henry held his gaze valiantly for all of five seconds before giving in. He ducked his head. "Aw, man. Don't... No fair. You play dirty."

"Only it it'll save us from frostbite. Come on." He gave Henry one last tug, and finally they were inside, where a very unhappy looking Bigfoot waited for them.

TBC


	5. The beginning of love

**Title:** The beginning of love

**Fandom:** Sanctuary

**Characters:** Henry Foss, Will Zimmerman, Bigfoot

**Rating:** **M**, for very suggestive, yet not-quite-explicit nummy, sexy acts. A few instances of profanity and other strong, or suggestive language.

**Summary:** It's kiss and make up time. All is not well with the boys, but progress is made. Did I mention the kiss and make up part? Part 5 of the New Beginnings series. Set immediately following part 4. **New beginnings** follows my previous series in the same verse: **One door closes**. Set before, during and after episode 9.

**Warnings:** This story is quite clearly Henry/Will slash, and happily so. If you're afraid of, or otherwise offended by, **SLASH** then; might I advise you to RUN, not walk, away as fast as your little underage, or otherwise insecure/bigoted legs can carry you? Thanks. That will be all. What? You're still here? Oh. Well, then. Have at it, if you will.

**Notes: **This one needed some extensive rewriting, but here it goes at last. My thanks to those who've sent me feedback. It helps keep me focused and it feeds the muses like nothing else. I watched episode 10, and is it me, or does the slash write itself? Yes, there's definitely a part 6 coming, after watching that ep. ;D

Some of the dialogue in the series will be taken directly from the corresponding episode's script. If you've watched it, you'll know exactly where it ends and my own dialogue begins. Subtext added by the author's fiery imagination for all things slash. Complete phrases or sentences in _italics_ represent character thoughts. Single _words _italicized for emphasis. Title inspired by this quote:

_The beginning_ _of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit  
our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them._

_** Thomas Merton**_

* * *

Bigfoot glared daggers at both men. He cuffed Henry up the side of his head, and then did the same to Will. Then he covered them both in a thick blanket and escorted them to Henry's room, grumbling under his breath the whole time. The two men meekly allowed themselves to be led there, not talking. Henry noticed Will limping, and he put his arm around him for support.

Will looked at Henry out of the corner of his eye as they walked. In a soft voice, he said, "You're a good man, Charlie Brown."

Henry offered him a sad little smirk in return. "Does that make you Lucy, or the little red-haired girl?"

"I... uh," Will began, not expecting Henry to even get the reference to his childhood cartoons. "I think I'd rather be Snoopy. Lucy's mean. And, well, she's a girl."

"Hey, you brought it up," Henry replied, in an echo of their usual banter, but it was clear his heart wasn't in it.

They walked the rest of the way in silence. Will's foot stuck to the floor a little as he walked, and it had started to hurt, as the initial numbness wore off.

Finally, Bigfoot ushered them into the room. He noticed the faint trail of bloody footprints Will had left all the way there and he let out a long-suffering groan.

He gave Will a measuring look before turning to Henry. "Do you want him here?" he said, referring to Will.

Henry glanced at Will, then at Bigfoot. "We'll be fine."

"Do you have a first aid kit?" Bigfoot asked Henry, who nodded his assent.

"Try not to break anything else," he then scolded. Henry rolled his eyes but gave his friend a sheepish smile of gratitude. Will was taken aback, but he just looked from Bigfoot to Henry, trying to follow their cues.

"Okay," Will finally said and, seemingly appeased, Bigfoot left them alone.

Will turned his attention to Henry, who had gone back to not looking at him and was staring listlessly at the floor instead. "Uh... you should probably have a soak. I'll run you a warm bath as soon as I disinfect this," he said, limping away towards the bathroom.

He found the first aid kit and jumped when he turned around to find Henry standing right behind him. "Shit, you... I didn't hear you," he explained.

Henry gave him a sad smile and took the kit from his hand. "Gimme that," he said mildly. "Sit."

Will did as he was told, sitting on the bathroom's comfy cushioned chair. Henry knelt in front of him and pulled his foot up to look at the cut. He got up and wet a small towel to remove dust and debris. He resumed kneeling in front of Will, carefully cleaning the sole of his foot first with the towel, then with a disinfectant cloth. He then rummaged through the kit, locating things like bandages, and topical antibiotic. Will did nothing except watch Henry as he lovingly took care of him. Having someone to fuss over him and take care of him like this was something that Will had had very little of in his lifetime. It was a strange and welcome feeling.

"There," Henry said finally. "All done."

"You didn't have to do that," Will said softly.

Henry gazed up at Will, his sad expression brightening slightly. "Yeah. I know. That's kinda the point of all of this." _Or it would be, if we were in a real relationship. _

Will looked down at his bandaged foot. He flexed it a little before putting it on the ground. "I'm really not used to this," he said, with a jittery, nervous laugh. Not that others hadn't tried to take care of him in the past, but Will had never allowed it. He almost considered it a weakness.

"Jesus, Lord. What were you, raised by wolves?" Henry joked, and they both froze. Henry's face contorted into a pained expression and he sucked air through his teeth. "That," he said haltingly, "was a really _unfortunate_ choice of words."

Suddenly, Will started to laugh. He tried not to, very hard, so it ended up sounding like a giggle under his breath. Henry looked up at Will through his lashes, beginning to pout, but ended up snorting and chuckling himself.

"You always find a way to make me laugh," Will said, with that open smile that never failed to grab a hold of Henry's heart and squeeze. He couldn't deny that every time Will smiled like that, it was as if the whole room was illuminated. Henry found little joy in that realization today.

"Yeah, that's me. A regular comedian," Henry muttered with just a note of bitterness.

Will sobered up immediately. "Please, don't do that. Don't twist my words. Don't look for reasons to hate me. I know I've screwed up a lot." He laughed nervously and essayed a lame joke. "This is why I'm single. Can we talk this over? There's something that's still bothering you."

"Oh, God, this sucks!" Henry exclaimed, his insides roiling. "Do we really have to talk about this stuff now?"

"Look, I hate talking about my feelings as much as the next guy, but we kinda have to. Psych background trumps testosterone. We can always pretend this never happened later?" Will offered.

Henry groaned.

"If we don't, you'll just be moping every day for the foreseeable future, and I'll hurl everything I eat for the next week or so. Nervous tension goes to my stomach. We'll make each other and everyone around us miserable. And then they'll be forced to plan our deaths," Will said, only half-jokingly.

"I don't frigging mope," Henry replied, sounding testy.

_This is no good. I'm just upsetting him again._ Will answered him very carefully. "I admit you didn't strike me as the type when we met but, lately, you've had ample reasons to be... melancholy."

"Melancholy? Really? You actually talk like that," Henry countered. "You wanna recite some poetry too, while you're at it?"

Will did not take the bait. "Henry, you're avoiding."

_Again with the psychobabble._ "Oh, God," Henry growled softly.

Relieved that it was a very human growl, Will worded his next thought carefully. "Look, I know you're mad. I know I'm difficult. But I'm afraid if we shut each other out now, later when we come to our senses we'll be too embarrassed and hurt to open up again. I don't wanna risk it. Please?"

Another groan sounded Henry's defeat. "Couldn't we just fight it out?"

"Do you wanna hit me?" Will asked, casually. "I guess I deserve it, but is this really how you want to settle things between us?"

Henry made a face. "Not really. It was a joke. You know, joke? Ha ha? But, hey, we could go to the gym. Take it out on the sandbag, like normal guys."

Will actually considered it for a moment before shaking his head. "We're in no shape for that. We're just gonna have to suck it up and do this, okay?"

Henry heaved a resigned sigh. "What's there to talk about?"

"You're not gonna make this easy. Are you?" Will asked tiredly.

"I dunno," Henry muttered. He looked defiantly up at Will. "Should I?"

_Okay. I deserved that._ "Henry, I'm a pain in the ass. I'm not very good at stuff that's outside my comfort zone. I know this. But I value your friendship, and I value who you are as a human being."

Seeing the way Henry's jaw clenched when Will spoke of friendship, he hastened to add, "I haven't really had time to digest the fact that we're more than just friends now. This isn't something I've ever experienced. And the pace of our lives here doesn't allow much time for introspection, if you know what I mean."

Henry rolled his eyes. "Maybe, if you stopped talking about it like you're in a wildlife documentary, that would help."

"But... I... I'm simply trying to understand," Will began haltingly.

"What, Will?" Henry said, a little sadly. "What do you want to understand? That sex with a guy isn't what you thought it was? I think we got that covered. That maybe your life doesn't have to be the wife and 1.2 kids and the white picket fence? Is there really that much to think about? How about you just frigging _live_ and not try to define every little thing that life throws your way?"

Will was stunned into silence. He had been made aware often enough that his overly cerebral way of looking at things wasn't always the most sound. It could be a tremendous asset at work, but in real life? He could try the patience of a saint.

Henry took deep, calming breaths.

"How about you stop making lists and go with your gut, for once? What do you want? Hm?" Henry insisted earnestly, but at the same time he raised a hand and soothingly caressed Will's chest. _Like calming a skittish colt, eh? Ah, Will, you'll be the death of me._

"I... uh... I don't know, Henry. I want... more time?" Will replied. He saw Henry wince and added, "Don't misunderstand. I mean more time... with you. I like spending time with you. I like that we can talk about anything. I like _you_. I like who I am when we're alone together."

"I'll be disappointed if that's the only thing you like when we're alone together," Henry deadpanned.

Will gave him a half-hearted smile and covered Henry's hand with his. "Look, I love being with you. I do. And you're right. I think too much. But I had my life pretty much figured out when Magnus showed up and shattered everything I thought my career was going to be. I moved into the Sanctuary, which is the stuff of fantasy in the eyes of the rest of the world. It's a lot, Henry."

"And then you came along," Will added, his voice softening. "Everything's changed. Some days I wonder if I cracked. What if I'm in an asylum somewhere, drugged to the tits and hallucinating all of this?" Will looked into Henry's eyes. "I'm scared, okay? Can you be patient with me? I know that's not what you want to hear, and I," he paused, and had to clear his throat. "I don't wanna push you away." Will stopped, biting the corners of his lips nervously.

Henry had never seen him do that. He was sure it meant something, whether good or bad. He gazed into Will's eyes with longing. What could he say to all of that? It was more than he had gotten out of Will the whole time they'd been sleeping together. He nodded, not knowing what to say, even though he felt like he should say something.

Will nodded back stiffly, breaking eye contact. His gaze flitted around the bathroom wall behind Henry. They both cleared their throats in a curious canon that made them look at each other again.

The silence stretched, and Will began to nervously tap his heel against the cool tiled floor. Henry's eyes fixated on Will's swiftly bouncing knee.

"Say something," Will finally blurted out.

"I'm sorry," Henry said. "I dunno what to say to all that. I'm still not entirely sure what it all meant, to be honest. Other than the being patient part, and that's a yes. You know I will be."

"What it meant," Will said carefully after a moment's thought. "I guess I'm asking you not to give up on me just yet."

Henry eased himself between Will's knees and wrapped his arms around his waist. This morning had started something like this, with his face pressed against Will's bare chest.

Will kept trying to figure himself out, even as he reached up to pet Henry's hair, which was going all over the place, standing up at odd angles. It made Will smile.

"I better draw you that bath before you catch a chill, if you didn't already," Will mumbled after a long pause.

"I'm good here," Henry said, not wanting to let go. "Although I can't even believe you still wanna be around me after today."

Will turned to face Henry. "Why wouldn't I? Are you fishing for compliments? Okay, how about because you're the best man I know."

Henry's throat constricted. He didn't even try to speak for a long time. He let go of Will and sat back on the floor and against the wall, idly wondering if it was all the hormonal and genetic changes doing this or if perhaps Will's secret superpower was turning people bipolar.

"Bath," Will said awkwardly as he stood up to start one.

Henry watched him move, the sleek grace of the man. He decided shirtless, barefoot, jean-clad Will was his new favorite fetish. In his clothes, Will often looked like just a skinny guy with a cute face. Henry had been stunned the first time he caught Will without a shirt on. He certainly wasn't overly muscled, but he did have a very nicely toned, lean and shapely physique that Henry could only describe as _perfect_.

Will left the water running and leaned back against the tiles, facing Henry. He looked at him for a few moments before saying, "I believe I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong. I'm not afraid of you, Henry."

"Okay," Henry said. He snorted. "Not that it hasn't crossed my mind, but that's not at all what I was thinking."

"Really?" Will asked, puzzled.

"Oh, yeah." Henry found it impossibly cute that Will didn't get it.

Steam soon began to obscure the room around them. Henry had not realized he'd gotten up until he was standing in front of Will, who was gaping at him with a vague look of hunger on his face. That look alone made Henry's heart rate rise.

"So," Will croaked.

"We shouldn't... we should just stop. It's not safe for you," Henry muttered out of the blue, the last of his reservations coming to the fore.

Will's gaze moved from Henry's eyes and down his body. They stopped below the belt. A belt Henry didn't have, along with the pants he wasn't wearing.

"You're sending me mixed messages here," Will said, and worried his bottom lip.  
_  
I love you too much._ "I want you too much," Henry replied, unfazed. He was merely worried about getting Will hurt. He was certainly not ashamed of his desire.

Will leaned in and kissed Henry like a man starved for the taste of his lips. He wrapped his long arms around the shorter man as if afraid he might run away.

Henry had already grabbed Will by the waist, but as the kiss deepened, his hands roamed Will's sides and back, caressing him with increasing fervor. He heard as well as felt Will moan into the kiss, and then they were crushing one another in a desperate embrace.

Eventually they came up for air. Will held Henry close, pecking little kisses on his lips until he caught his eye. Henry's eyes were a vibrant blue, his normal human color, Will noticed.

"Do you trust me?" Will asked. He waited for Henry's nod of assent before adding, "You would never hurt me. Trust me."

"I'd never forgive myself," Henry whispered, his eyes glazed with lust and emotion.

"You won't have to," Will said, his voice tightening in response. His heart beat furiously in his chest. _For a man. This is it. This is the sign I was waiting for. This isn't fear I'm feeling. It is what it is. Henry. I wouldn't have imagined it in a million years. _

"Give me another chance," Will said, knowing his uncertainty was partly responsible for Henry's volatile behavior lately. Their faces were so close that his breath tickled Henry's lips.

"Aw, baby," Henry mumbled, before giving Will a hard kiss on the lips. _Of course_, he thought, but said, "You have to ask?"

Will's face seemed to glow from within, his smile a nearly palpable source of light in Henry's eyes. Will's eyes seemed to change color, sometimes blue, but most often green. Henry was fascinated by Will's eyes, because they contained every possible color. He had a wide ring of yellow, amber, and brown specks all around his pupils, while the rest of the iris showed some green, grey and even violet, but mostly they were blue. They were so rich and beautiful, Henry sometimes felt he wanted to lick them.

"Shit," Will said, suddenly. "The water!" he explained, suddenly realizing the bath had been running for a while now. The tub was nearly full to the brim but had not spilled, which was a relief. He hardly needed to add water damage to the tally of the day's events, especially considering it was still early morning and they had already thrashed one room. He heard Henry snort behind him as he drained some of the water out so that it wouldn't spill when Henry got in.

He looked uncertainly over his shoulder and matched Henry's timid grin with one of his own.

"Your bath is ready," Will said impishly, and suddenly Henry was very serious.

All ambivalence was gone from Henry's body language. His eyes held Will's intensely, that alone making the simple act of taking off his shirt and letting it drop to pool at his feet one of seduction.

Will felt heat rise through his body as a noticeable flush colored his skin from his navel up to the roots of his hair. Henry's solid presence put to rest any remaining doubts in Will's mind. This man was everything he wanted. Not because he was a man, but because it was _Henry_. Will's very skin seemed to tighten in response, and every reaction of his body echoed his thoughts.

It was instinct and scent more than conscious thought that which told Henry they had just experienced a breakthrough. He felt his nostril's flare with a visceral understanding of it, and he held out his hand to Will.

There was no hesitation as Will reached out to accept Henry's proffered hand. He let Henry lead him and they stepped into the over-sized tub; bandage, jeans and all. They grinned conspiratorially at each other as the heavy fabric got wet, and Henry kissed Will fondly before pulling him down to his knees as he carefully sat down. They kissed and pawed at each other, grasping. Their near desperation was born of the fact that they understood that something had almost broken between them today, and that they had barely averted a disaster that could have torn them apart for good.

Hands cradled, held and caressed. They catalogued one another's features with touch, and Henry's feverish responses told Will that he was finally learning a thing or two about that art. Feelings not fully formed clashed in both their throats, and often their mouths would try to shape words that never came out. Will's heavy, waterlogged jeans were uncomfortable, but he couldn't spare them a thought as he finally accepted that those nameless feelings he had for Henry went well past friendship.

Henry seemed to sense that, because he eventually made up his mind and pulled away from Will's mouth long enough to speak. He felt that the bath water should by all rights be evaporating from all the heat passing between their bodies. He could feel Will straining the fabric of his jeans, and it was both tantalizing and frustrating.

"Will," he said, sounding breathless. His eyes were like an open book. "Will, are you _ready_?"

Will knew exactly what that question meant. Air was expelled in a sharp gust from his lungs as his body caught up with the words. "God, yes," he whispered forcefully.

Speaking became useless at that point.

They tasted of each other to their heart's content, exploring every inch of their bodies with abandon until the water started getting cold. In a flurry of toweling off and making out, they somehow found their way to Henry's bed, more or less dry. Will's jeans were a distant memory by then. If their vision was blurry from time to time from the intensity of their lovemaking, they would later deny it.

Will surrendered himself to Henry, freely, passionately. For once, there was no thought, just instinct and the indulgence of a bone deep desire. Henry drank his passion and his fears with his kisses. He held Will's stunned gaze towards the end, until the moment completion crashed into his skull and he fell apart, shaping a dozen silent I love you's against Will's flesh in the guise of mouthing his chest.

Henry felt urgent hands grabbing and squeezing his shoulders, and so he moved, leaving a trail of loving, fiery kisses along Will's torso. Sensation made Will gasp for breath, and a supernova blossomed behind his eyes. By the time their passions had ebbed, Will was still shivering deliciously, boneless and mute with disbelief.

* * *

While his sweaty brow rested on the shallow valley above Will's hip joint, Henry took the time to catch his breath. His left hand lovingly roamed Will's legs as he waited for his eyes to focus again. Eventually, a cautious Henry climbed back up the bed and lay on his side next to Will. He kissed his lover's cheek and asked in a hoarse voice, "Hey. You okay?"

Will gave Henry a swift sidelong glance that was equal parts embarrassment and amusement. He looked up at the ceiling before shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath. A fleeting smile ran across his lips and faded.

"I want more," Will finally said.

Henry snorted and something like a giggle followed. A wide grin split his face and Will thought he had never seen Henry look so purely _happy_. It was infectious.

"Boy, am I glad to hear that," Henry said jokingly, but his expression was one of adoration.

Will rolled over to his side with some effort to face Henry. He was loosely biting his bottom lip as he studied his lover's face. "I'm not kidding," he said.

Henry kissed him chastely on the lips before replying. "Neither am I."

"Good," Will said, and they kissed some more, savoring their shared bliss.

"Henry?" Will asked between kisses. "I realize now this never came up, but," he paused, memorizing Henry's face this relaxed. He unconsciously put on a boyish face before he could bring himself to ask. "Can I go next?"

Henry's eyes widened for a moment, surprised that Will would ask that in a tone that presupposed Henry might _mind_ such a request. "What?" he said, beaming. "Dude, relax. I thought you'd never ask," Henry added softly, a twinkle in his eye.

Will heaved a relieved sigh and grinned. "You'll tell me if I'm doing something wrong?"

"I am committed to your education," Henry shot back, laughing with his eyes.

"Smart-ass," Will mumbled with a stifled laugh.

That precise expression of wonder, of a kid in a candy store, was the look Henry wanted to put on Will's face every day for the rest of their lives. He had once or twice believed he had found love, Henry had. It had been nothing like this. He could have never predicted the ineffable immensity of what he felt for this William Zimmerman.

Henry didn't care why it had happened, or how. Only the fact that he didn't know if Will would ever be able to return this feeling caused him a deep heartache that gave his happiness a twist of pain. Will had given him his friendship, and his body. Maybe his heart wouldn't be far behind?

Will missed the nuances of Henry's silence, as he was too caught up in all the new feelings and the indescribable sense of satiation he'd experienced. The newness of it was addictive, almost as much as Henry's touch, and he wanted to explore it further. He wanted to return in kind at least some of the pleasure Henry had given him, and it gave him a great sense of accomplishment to see how responsive Henry was to his touch.

At one point, Henry had to stop Will from taking him too close to the edge. He pushed Will to arm's length for a moment, breathing hard. "I've created a monster," he joked, and Will beamed at him with hunger in his eyes. They kissed once again, and time ran away with their senses until a thick blanket of ecstasy enveloped all.

"H-Henry," Will finally managed in a thin, breathless voice, meaning to ask if his lover was alright. _I think... I could... Maybe I do love you..._

Henry had forgotten about the simple fact that he was always left feeling frightfully vulnerable after the act. He heard so many things in Will's tremulous voice that his hand flew up to lay a finger over his lover's lips. The fact that the first word out of Will's mouth had been his name was enough. He'd be lovesick as a puppy for days after this, and he didn't think he could bear Will avoiding him because he'd said something he didn't mean because he was blissed out.

"Shh," Henry shushed, pulling the sheets over them with some effort, since they were mostly pinned under their legs.

Will was shaky, all the excitement of the day catching up with him. He settled himself in Henry's embrace, nuzzling his lover with a tired smile. He felt Henry kiss the top of his head and purred softly in return. The relaxing warmth of the sheets made him realize how exhausted he was, even as his muscles began to let him know that his enthusiasm had exceeded his stamina.

Henry thought that if he were to die like this, with a love hangover and Will in his arms, he would die a happy man, indeed. It wasn't much longer before they passed out in each other's arms, like boys are wont to do.

TBC


	6. A distant dream

**Title:** A distant dream

**Fandom:** Sanctuary

**Characters:** Henry Foss, Will Zimmerman, Helen Magnus. Minor appearances by Ashley Magnus, Bigfoot

**Rating:** **M**, for explicit allusions to nummy, sexy acts that we shan't mention outright. A few instances of profanity and other strong or suggestive language.

**Summary:** A desperate, dashing rescue. Some answers, and some new questions. **New beginnings** follows my previous series in the same verse: **One door closes**. Set during and after episode 10 ('Warriors').

**Warnings:** Lots of **SPOILERS** for **Episode** **10: Warriors**. You have been warned.

This story is quite clearly Henry/Will slash, and happily so. If you're afraid of, or otherwise offended by, **SLASH** then; might I advise you to RUN, not walk, away as fast as your little underage, or otherwise insecure/bigoted legs can carry you? Thanks. That will be all. What? You're still here? Oh. Well, then. Have at it, if you will.

**Notes:** Some of the dialogue in the series will be taken directly from the episode's script. (In this case, the fight ring scene). If you've watched it, you'll know exactly where it ends and my own begins. Subtext added by the author's fiery imagination for all things slash. (Although, after the boys' exchange during 'Warriors' I feel it's more text than subtext. Or maybe that's just my slashy heart talking. *cough*)

Oh, and... *hides* You'll see why.

Complete phrases or sentences in _italics_ represent character thoughts. Single _words _italicized for emphasis. Title inspired by this quote:

_There are times to cultivate and create, when you nurture your world and give birth to new ideas and ventures. There are times of flourishing and abundance, when life feels in full bloom, energized and expanding. And there are times of fruition, when things come to an end. They have reached their climax and must be harvested before they begin to fade. And finally of course, there are times that are cold, and cutting and empty, times when the spring of new beginnings seems like __**a distant dream**__. Those rhythms in life are natural events. They weave into one another as day follows night, bringing, not messages of hope and fear, but messages of how things are._

**Chögyam Trungpa**

* * *

_If Will is... if we're too late, I will gut him, Helen's father or not. We've wasted precious time trying to reason with that old bastard instead of scanning him like we would have done to anyone else. We could have found that bug from the start, and maybe Will wouldn't have been taken. Why did he go alone? Why the hell didn't he tell me what he was doing? Damn, Will. I love you but right now I want to throttle you for being so careless. Please be alive. Please be alive. Please be alive. _

"We need to be careful. If they had identified Will, they may be watching out for us. I'll go in first," Helen was saying as Henry veritably vibrated on his seat, nearly jumping up and down with worry. He wasn't listening. He simply made noises of agreement where appropriate. Will had most likely been kidnapped by the abnormal fight club ring, since he and Ashley had been scoping them out, posing as potential customers. Now it turned out that the Cabal might be behind the whole raw deal, which made the situation ten times as deadly for Will.

_He has to be alive. He has to. Please, God, or whoever the hell's out there. If you're listening, please, let him be alive. _

Helen had just advised them all once more to proceed with extreme caution, but the moment the car stopped, Henry jumped out and ran inside.

"Henry?!" Helen called, but he was already gone. She saw as the unassuming Mr. Foss kneed one of the doormen in the jewels. By the time the second guard reacted, Ashley had a gun to his temple, and Henry stormed into the building, again on his own.

The women secured the guards before following Henry inside.

A cacophony of shouts, cheers and jeers assaulted Henry the moment he entered the warehouse. He sniffed the air, and followed his nose not to the dark, grim cell he had imagined for his beloved Will, but straight to the origin of the noise. There, in the center of the improvised fight ring, stood a brutish hulk of a man, roaring his triumph at the bloodthirsty crowd.

Henry shoved his way to the center of the fight ring. His instinct, his nose told him that was Will, but he would have never recognized him by sight. At least not right away. _What have they done? What have they done to you? This is my sweet, beautiful William? _

"Finish him, you dumb bastard!" someone hollered.

Will's mind was overwhelmed completely. _Fight. Kill. Destroy._ It was as if a thick, smothering blanket of wrath had been laid all over it and he couldn't get in touch with his mind.

Henry had just enough time to see Will move in for the killing blow before he emerged onto the ring itself. "Will! No!"

He struggled with the mountain of a man that had been Will, and it was his turn to feel afraid of his lover when Will tossed him in the air like a rag doll.

Will came at him, roaring in a chemical rage. _Fight. Kill. Destroy._ All he saw was a new enemy. Someone had dared come between him and his kill.

"No. No! No, whoa!" Henry cried out, scrambling back like an overturned crab. "It's me, Henry!" he exclaimed, his voice breaking a little. _He doesn't even know who I am_, he thought, holding a hand up and begging Will with his eyes. He couldn't even think right now about the fact that Will didn't seem to recognize him. He had to. _Come on, baby. It's me. Come on! React, dammit._

_Fight...? _Will hesitated, and Henry saw a spark of recognition in his eyes. He almost fainted with relief, but that didn't last very long. Will looked around, as if looking for a target, and took a step towards the fallen Danny. Henry jumped to his feet, keeping Will's attention on him.

"Will! Will!"

A roar was Will's reply, as he turned and grabbed Henry by the neck. Gone were those long, graceful fingers that brought Henry so much pleasure. Henry gasped as his throat was encircled by ham sized fists. _Destroy... enemy_... _no... f... friend? _Anger suffused Will, but he was no longer sure who to direct it to.

"No, no, no, no. This isn't you!" Henry pleaded earnestly. He grabbed on to Will's arms, which were now as thick as his waist. "This isn't you."

This behemoth was barely recognizable as Will, and it broke Henry's heart to see him like this. "This is not you," he said with great compassion, realizing the poignant role reversal.

Will bared his teeth at the man, but he was quiet. _Fight. Kill. Destroy._ He knew that face. _Kill_. _Hurt._ Images came to him, of Henry smiling, of loving looks. _Feel... good... _Something deep inside him stirred. He recognized this man. _Friend...? H... Hnnnnrrr.... _Will could almost say his name. He tried a few times, and it sounded like wheezing.  
_  
_Looking into Will's unfocused eyes, Henry had little but his own blind faith that Will wouldn't harm him to keep him focused. He dared not speak, or show fear. He knew closeness was good, that his smell should jog some semblance of memory in Will. _It has to._  
_  
_"Henry?" Will was holding Henry's face in his hands, except they didn't look like his hands. _Where... am I? Henry._ He looked into the other man's eyes, and he saw love, he saw _home_. He was confused and disoriented, as if he could not access his own thought process.

Henry nodded as far as his limited range of movement allowed, his face trapped in Will's big paws.  
_  
_"Henry!" the scared Will repeated, holding on to the one thing, the one person he recognized. He ground out the words with some effort. "Help! Help me," he repeated, struggling to hang on to this sliver of himself that Henry had been able to bring forth.

Had they not been in public, Henry would have surely wept. He understood. He truly understood now how it was possible for Will to love him, to want to be with him even when he became a monster. It was easy, he realized, because right now his heart was aching with such love for Will that he could barely stand, even though this looked and acted nothing like the Will he knew. Regardless of the fact that Will had just mopped the floor with him in his blind rage, he felt no differently. And even if this monstrous procedure could not be reversed, and although his heart would break a thousand times every time he looked at this creature who had once been his beautiful lover, he knew with an unshakable certainty that his feelings for Will would never be gone.

_Then you do love me, and maybe you don't even know it._ Henry held Will's gaze even though it took all his willpower to do so.

"Help me," Will kept repeating, his voice growing increasingly desperate and sad; once again showing traces of his humanity.

"You're gonna be okay," Henry said, willing it to be true. Everything was a blur after that.

* * *

Henry could barely keep down the food that Bigfoot had nearly force-fed him. He had not eaten since Will's disappearance, and now he was too worried about the outcome of the procedures Will was undergoing to even think about nourishment. It had been years since Henry had chewed on his fingernails, not since he was a teenager. He had worked hard to get rid of that nervous compulsion, but Helen's refusal to allow him to attend Will's procedure and subsequent treatments had reduced him to this. He had nearly bitten off half of them to the quick.

When Helen emerged from the infirmary, she was immediately assaulted by Hurricane Henry.

"How is he?" Henry asked eagerly, his energy crackling like a building electrical storm.

"As well as can be expected. The treatment has been a success. He's almost fully devolved, and should be purged of his abnormality in another day or two," Helen explained patiently.

"Can I see him?" the man demanded.

"Henry, I've told you. He is not ready for visitors at this time."

"Magnus," Henry insisted. "It's me."

"Henry," Helen said firmly, but with a note of pleading.

"I love that man," Henry ground out. "He needs me," he added haltingly.

"I know," Helen said softly. "But Will needs some time. He's been through quite an ordeal."

Henry did not let her finish. "I think," he interrupted, "that if anyone can understand what he's going through, that's me."

Helen gave Henry a measuring look. She took a calming breath. "If he gives any sign of distress, you leave immediately," she ordered.

"Yes. Of course," Henry said gratefully.

"I am trusting you to keep your word, Henry."

"You know I would never do anything to hurt Will. But take it from me, the last thing Will needs right now is to be alone, even if he thinks so."

With one last warning glance, Helen stepped aside and watched Henry all but run into the infirmary. She hoped for both their sakes that Will and Henry were not making a huge mistake. A part of her that had nothing to do with malice wanted to keep them separate. The potential for disaster was just too great, and she had grown to care about both of them like they were her own children. In fact, she had entertained other than maternal feelings for one or both of them at different times, although she chalked that up to loneliness. But the crux of the problem was that she needed them both. Henry and Will contributed vitally to the Sanctuary, not only as assets, but as friends and the nearest thing to family she could hope to have. She did not want to end up picking up the pieces if that relationship did not work out.

So be it. It was out of her hands now.

* * *

Henry approached Will's bed, a bundle of nervous energy. "Will?"

Will had been lost in thought, and failed to hear or see Henry approach. He started when he heard his name spoken.

"Oh. Henry," he said uncertainly, looking around to see if Magnus was around. "Did... did you sneak in?"

Henry grinned. "Me? Sneak in? I'm hurt that you would even think that," he said facetiously.

Will smiled weakly and turned his face away. "I thought... no visitors."

"Baby, it's me. Henry. Don't you want me here?" Henry asked patiently. "I can go. No problem. But I think the last thing you should be right now is alone." He had a pretty good idea why Will was acting this way. Although he was mostly recognizable as his old self now, Will still showed certain deformities of his features that marked him as _other._ A petty man might have thought that karma was a bitch, but Henry merely acknowledged that he knew exactly how Will was feeling.

"It's not... I mean... I just," Will started, but didn't finish. He felt like a huge hypocrite, considering how many times he had hounded Henry about his changes being a normal part of who he was. All his talk about acceptance and yet, now that Henry was here, all that he could think was that he didn't want his lover to see him like this.

"You don't want me to see you like this," Henry said, echoing Will's exact thought.

Will didn't answer. How could he want anyone to see him? Not only was he still partially deformed, but the outer layer of his skin had started drying up and peeling off like he was molting. It had been overtaxed and overstretched in an accelerated manner from the abnormal muscle growth, and shrinking back to his normal size had only further degraded it. There wouldn't be any lasting effects aside from a temporary sensitivity. He had actually seen something similar happen to patients with severe allergic reactions once the swelling subsided. Even though he was aware that once it all finally peeled off he would look like himself again, he couldn't help but think of a snake shedding its old skin whenever he looked at himself.

"And you feel guilty for all the flack you've given me when I get this way," Henry observed, gesturing at Will's current withdrawn body language. "It's okay, Will. Hey. Look at me, please?"

"I'm hideous. Don't, please," Will said, but he sounded resigned.

Henry took Will's hands, bony protrusions from his accelerated growth that had not yet retracted and all, brought them up to his lips and kissed them. "You're not hideous, my friend. Trust me on that."

"I look like a dead lizard," Will mumbled sullenly.

"This?" Henry asked, making a 'don't be ridiculous' face. "You just look like you've had really bad sunburn. That'll go away."

Will heaved a long-suffering sigh. "You know, I never thought of myself as vain before."

Henry reached over and ruffled Will's hair. "It's okay. Could be much worse. In fact, I think this is good. I mean, it was crap. The situation was. But there's some good that came out of it."

"Oh, yeah? What's that?" Will said a little belligerently.

With a wry smile, Henry ignored the tone.

"Us, Will. I think for the first time we can understand one another better. You know? Don't you have a little better idea now of what it's like to be me? Because I'm thinking I get you now, too. When I saw you in that ring... well, it was a shock for sure. But it made no difference where it counts."

Will gave Henry a guarded look. He had to admit he now had first hand understanding of some the complicated psychology that accompanied the onset of abnormality. He had just had a pretty intense crash course. He could hardly make broad, general assumptions, but at least he knew what it had felt like to him. He gazed off to the side before he spoke.

"The change, the loss of control... all that _rage._ Is that how you feel when you change?" Will said out loud for the first time. He had been obsessing a little since his rescue.

"Is it really me, the rage, the savagery?" Henry added. "I ask myself that all the time. Am I gonna change, lose control?" Henry smiled gently at the man. "Duh. You know the answer to that."

"How do you deal?" Will asked, his eyes searching Henry's face.

Henry leaned in and kissed the pronounced ridges of Will's overgrown brow, then his cheeks and finally his lips. Will passively let him.

"That's easy, when I'm not freaking out about it. I know I have some pretty wonderful people in my life who care about me," Henry said calmly. He felt a smirk coming and couldn't help adding, "and who won't let me go over to the dark side."

Will leaned his head towards Henry, who sat next to him on the bed and pulled him into an easy hug. He took the first deep breath he could remember taking in days, now that Henry was there again.

_How can you want to be near me when I look like this? How can you still call me a friend after what I almost did to you? I could have killed you. I probably would have killed you if I hadn't spent so much of that unrelenting rage beating down three other... creatures. _

Will was beginning to see. This was surely the same kind of inner dialogue Henry entertained a lot of the time. And yet, even when he was down, he was ready with a smile for Will. Henry valiantly made light of his situation a lot more often than Will thought he could if their situations were reversed.

"Remind me never to call you mopey again," Will said, his forehead resting in the crook of Henry's neck. His voice was unsteady. "You are so brave, Henry. So brave. God, I had no right to ask you not to have that surgery. I'm such a hypocrite."

"You're only human, Will," Henry answered. "We all are, abnormal or not. And that's okay." He wasn't sure who he was trying to convince, but he knew this to be true. "And actually, yes, you did have a right, because I gave you that right. Not to worry, though. The final decision was mine."

"What I don't understand is why. You barely knew me then," Will mused, glad to be talking about something other than his artificial mutation.

"Oh, I knew you, Will Zimmerman," Henry said, his voice softening with emotion. "Sometimes I think I know you better than you know yourself."

Will chafed a little at that. "You know, that's not the most polite thing to say to a trained psychologist."

"Doesn't matter if it's true." Henry pushed Will to arm's length so he could look him in the eye. "Look, this has all been a revelation. You got a taste of what it's like to be me, while I got to be on the receiving end of it. And I was scared you wouldn't recognize me, but not because I might be hurt, but because I knew you'd hate yourself for it later. You see? I get it now, that feeling... _knowing_ you wouldn't hurt me."

"You don't know that," Will said softly. The moment the words left his mouth, he realized that was Henry's line. He drew away from the hug.

"I know, because I _lived_ it with you in that fight ring," Henry insisted. "And you pulled through. You recognized me. Your mind came back."

"You did that. You came for me, and you brought me back," Will said wistfully.

Henry felt a sweet warmth in his chest at the words. "You know, when I looked at you, all hulked up, raging and roaring at the world, I never for a moment stopped loving you."

Will's eyes widened, and his mouth fell open. "Wh-?"

"Yeah, you heard right," Henry pressed on, losing a little of his nerve but not enough to stop. "And it got me thinking. When I saw you I was barely able to recognize you, not by sight. But somehow I knew it was you, and I _knew_ you were in there, hurting under all that rage. I didn't hesitate, I wasn't afraid. Not until you slammed me to the ground, anyway."

Will winced. Henry spoke on.

Anyway, when you're faced with something like that, and you can still recognize the person within, and your feelings for them are untouched," he said, his heart beating a mile a minute. "That's gotta be love," he finished, and it almost didn't sound like a question.

"Stop," Will whispered, drawing in on himself. A boyish expression of disbelief had taken residence on his face.

Henry interrupted him. "I love you, Will. And I don't need you to tell me, because I know you love me too. Maybe you're not _in_ love with me but, in the end, it doesn't really matter. I had to tell you, because you've nearly died almost weekly since you came to work with us here, and I would never forgive myself if something happened to you and you never heard it from my lips."

"Henry." Will shook his head. "Stop," Will repeated, visibly distressed.

"Will," Henry insisted softly.

"Stop it!" Will cried out, hugging himself. "You can't... You have no right... to tell me these things. No," he said in a nasal whine.

Henry blanched, and all the color left his face as he got to his feet. "The hell?" he mumbled. "What do you mean I have no right? Haven't we been...?"

"We've been fucking," Will interrupted, and immediately regretted saying it. His whole face scrunched up tight when he heard the harshness of his own words. He then amended, "No. I know. I know it's been more than that. But I'm not ready for this."

Henry stood there, looking like he'd just been slapped in the face. He wanted to say something hurtful, but he couldn't think of anything scathing enough to equal the pain in his chest.

Will's expression changed to that of a frightened child. "Henry, I didn't mean that," he said softly.

"Fuck you," Henry whispered back. He couldn't look Will in the face. His voice returned to its usual volume. "You know what? You need your rest, and I need to get out of here. I'm sorry I bothered you," he said coldly, but it was obvious he was hurt.

"Henry, I'm serious. Don't leave like this," Will said, louder. "It's the drugs, man. I didn't mean..."

Henry could barely contain his temper. "It's hot and cold, and hot and cold, and hot then fucking cold with you. Why are you _doing_ this?"

Will made a frustrated noise. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. "I don't know. Trust issues, abandonment issues, being an asshole issues? I... I'm... uh... I'm not trying to excuse myself here, I'm just explaining what I know to be true."

"Yeah, well... I don't deserve this," Henry said simply yet firmly, shaking his head at Will with a sad little scowl on his face. He hated to see Will upset, and he could hear in his slightly slurred speech that he wasn't lying about the drugs. Still, regardless of his promise to Helen, he deserved better.

Will blew his breath out through his nose and started to cry quietly. "I know. I'm sorry." He was mildly sedated, which put his inhibitions at an all time low. He could barely censor his own thoughts, let alone bottle up his feelings like he usually did. "I know you don't."

"Don't cry," Henry said a bit tightly. He wanted to slap Will. He wanted to comfort Will. He wanted to throttle the man, then kiss him until he stopped saying stupid shit like that, Henry thought to himself. _I'm a fucking idiot. That's what I get for going after closeted pretty boys. Internalized homophobia much? Damn!_ "I'm... just, get better. Get better."

Will got the feeling that a thick brick wall had just gone up between them. His blood froze as he watched Henry walk away from him, angry and defeated.

"H-Henry," he mumbled, perhaps too soft for him to hear. His pulse sped up. Henry was really leaving. He'd really done it this time. His voice strangled in his throat, but he made himself cry out.

"Henry!" _Please, don't go away mad. Please. _

It came out pleading, shrill. Henry didn't even slow down. Quite the contrary, it was as if he couldn't wait to get out of there. The door slamming shut felt like a stab wound to the chest, and Will felt the first throb of a migraine-level headache spark up behind his eyes. _Way to be an ungrateful bastard, William. _He wanted to follow Henry, but he'd have to rip out his drip, and Helen would kill him. What if he interrupted the treatment and he reverted back into that thing? He couldn't risk it. He just couldn't.

_He'll come back. He just needs to cool down, then I can apologize a million times until he forgives me. He has to forgive me. How could I be such an ass? _How, Will thought, did he always manage to alienate anyone who got too close? Why did he always drive away the people who brought even a semblance of happiness into his life? He cursed the drugs, and he cursed his luck, and he cursed his big mouth, and he very nearly cursed Henry for making him feel so loved and out of control and... happy. How dare he make Will happy? He groaned at himself and his disjointed thoughts. Will looked around over the empty room, wallowing in what he reasoned to be some well deserved self-loathing.

In the meantime, Henry's stomach was churning. He had stopped just outside, his heart beating like a too tight drum. He leaned back against the closed door, breathing hard. Walking out on Will when he called out to him like that was among the hardest things he'd ever done. Still, he was sure if he heard Will call out to him one more time he would turn right around and go back in. _We've been fucking. The nerve... Why did I have to fall in love with this prick? Aw, come off it, Henry. He's not a prick. He just doesn't know what he wants. Which is probably worse._

He didn't hear anything else through the door, and the feeling he'd been holding back with anger, the one like his heart was physically breaking, broadsided him into breathlessness. He put both hands over his face, because grown men don't cry, and struggled to fill his lungs.

Henry heard a soft, disapproving grunt. _Bigfoot,_ Henry thought. Strong, large hands guided him into one of the vacant rooms across the hall. Henry never removed his hands from his face, trusting his friend completely. He almost fell apart, but he waited until they stopped moving and he heard the door close behind them before he did. God forbid Will might overhear. Still covering his eyes, Henry melted into Bigfoot's powerful embrace and let go of his grief. Tears flowed freely, but only the sound of his labored breathing disturbed the silence.

TBC


	7. Step toward disaster

**Title:** Step toward disaster

**Fandom:** Sanctuary

**Characters:** Henry Foss, Will Zimmerman, Ashley Magnus

**Rating:** **M**, for explicit allusions to nummy, sexy acts that we shan't mention outright. A few instances of profanity and other strong or suggestive language.

**Summary:** Missing scenes set immediately before and during the sequence of events depicted in **Episode 11: Instinct**. **New beginnings** follows my previous series in the same verse: **One door closes**.

**Warnings:** Some **SPOILERS** for **Episode** **11: Instinct**. You have been warned.

This story is quite clearly Henry/Will slash, and happily so. If you're afraid of, or otherwise offended by, **SLASH** then; might I advise you to RUN, not walk, away as fast as your little underage, or otherwise insecure/bigoted legs can carry you? Thanks. That will be all. What? You're still here? Oh. Well, then. Have at it, if you will.

**Notes:** There's a lot of Will P.O.V. in this one. Guess it was his turn. Some of the dialogue in the series will be taken directly from the episode's script. If you've watched it, you'll know exactly where it ends and my own begins. Subtext added by the author's fiery imagination for all things slash.

Complete phrases or sentences in _italics_ represent character thoughts. Single _words _italicized for emphasis. Title inspired by this quote:

_Much as we may wish to make a new beginning, some part of us resists doing so_

_as though we were making the first step toward disaster. ~ __**William Bridges**_

* * *

Will followed Henry out of the meeting room, coffee in hand. He caught up with him nearing the elevator.

"Hi, Henry. Listen, we," Will softly started to say.

"Sorry, no time to chat," Henry said curtly. "Gotta double check all my gear before the mission." He was humming with excitement about his first field mission, and Will was not going to ruin his good mood. He had been cranky and hurting long enough.

Will insisted. "I know that. It's just that, we're going out there to face God knows what, and I wanted to tell you again how sorry I am for..."

Henry interrupted again. "Not now, Will."

"Then, when?" Will pleaded. "Please, Henry. I miss my friend. I miss you."

"I ate too much," Henry said, deflecting. "I think I'll take the stairs," he added. He then promptly fled further down the hallway and down the stairs before Will could say anything else.

Will was left standing in front of the elevator. He heaved a deep sigh. He was still standing there when Ashley caught up with him.

"Harsh," she said simply, patting his shoulder as she walked past him. She pressed the elevator button and the doors opened right up. Ashley stepped inside.

"You coming?" she asked Will, feeling a smidgen of pity for him. She was pretty in the loop regarding Henry's side of the story, and even though she had been wanting to punch Will on the nose, she could see he truly regretted what he had done.

"N-Nah, it's okay. Go ahead," Will hurriedly replied after a pause.

Ashley stopped the elevator doors from closing with one hand. "Will? Is your head gonna be in the game?" she asked, not without concern. She didn't hate Will. In fact, she liked him, despite the fact that he was a complete and utter _man_ and an idiot who'd broken her best friend's heart. She hated seeing her playful and cuddly friend acting so cold and hard. Henry was really hurting, though. She knew because for all his bravado, Bigfoot had been hovering over him more than usual these last few days, petting him a lot.

Will's face shuttered closed. "I'll be fine. Thanks. I'm just a bit distracted, is all," he said. He lamely gestured with his cup. "Coffee should help."

"Dude," Ashley replied in a tone that told him she wasn't buying it. "Talk to him."

For a whole second, Will was shocked that Ashley knew what was going on. Then he felt foolish as he realized he shouldn't be. He had to be fooling himself if he for a moment thought that everyone in the Sanctuary didn't already know about them. He shrugged his shoulders sadly. "He won't let me."

Ashley made a tutting sound. "Man up. Figure it out."

Will felt the color rise to his cheeks at the not so gentle rebuke. He gave his noncommittal half-smile as the doors closed and Ashley disappeared from view. He counted to fifty in order to avoid smashing his coffee cup against the nearest wall, and then headed off in the direction of the kitchen.

He had a bad feeling about today's mission. It was something he couldn't quite put his finger on. He simply _knew_, somehow, that every step he took today led toward certain disaster.

* * *

The mission had been harrowing. In Will's short stint as a Sanctuary operative he had not yet seen such an overwhelming body count as this. He literally could not remember how many innocent people had been killed by the insect creatures before they finally put down the one they didn't capture. All those dock workers, the police, and that poor kid with the camera, Zack, were dead. Every time he tried to tally a final count of the day's deaths his hands started shaking, so he eventually gave up trying. He felt especially guilty about the young cameraman. Will remembered being quite short with him a few times. The worst part was that it hadn't been the boy's fault that Will was so cross. It had been _her_, Amy Saunders. The name alone made Will's stomach churn.

Amy was, in Will's mind, a horrible shrew at best. One who bullied and manipulated everyone and everything around her on the off chance that her nonexistent career could benefit from any newsworthy material she could latch her clinging talons onto. And that had merely been his impression on a professional level. The way she had wasted no opportunity to shake her ass at Henry while in the middle of a life and death situation made Will wish with all his heart that the insect creature had murdered her instead of Zack. He could barely muster enough shame to feel bad for thinking so.

_That stupid, hateful cow, making googly eyes at Henry like he's stupid and doesn't know what time it is... _Will's jaw clenched every time he thought of the woman. To be fair, his reaction had a lot more to do with the way Henry responded to her than any of _her_ actions. _She was shameless, and Henry was basking in the attention the whole time. Bastard. That bitch almost got us all killed more than once. She got Zack killed, for God's sake! And everybody was still going out of their way to be civil to her?_

From the start Will had felt an intense dislike for Amy, to see Henry gushing over her so-called show. _She's the fucking weather girl, for Pete's sake. That's not a show, it's the frigging weather,_ Will remembered thinking. He had literally stalked over to the two of them when Henry wouldn't shut up about this supposed Awesome Amy. _Awesome Amy?_ _What kind of stupid-ass, ridiculous name is that, anyway?_

Will had not realized what he was doing until he saw Henry literally flinch away from him and become tongue tied. He would never forget the look on the woman's face when Will deadpanned 'You're a... weather girl?' at her and walked away after a brief annoyed glare. _But would she take a hint? Noooo._

It had been very embarrassing to realize that, because his conscious mind was distracted by the dangerous task at hand, he had been on the verge of telling a stranger to back off in no uncertain terms. He had acted like a bully, his body language threatening a _woman_ for moving in on his ex. It was a small blessing everyone else had been too focused on the killer creature on the loose to notice. Although he was sure Henry had noticed, since he seemed to have taken it as encouragement to flirt back at Amy at every turn.

Will had done everything short of throttling her to get her to back off, but it was no use. He'd had much bigger worries at the time, in any case, such as keeping himself and the others safe.

If there had been any remaining doubt in his mind that Ashley knew exactly what had been going on between him and Henry, it had fully disappeared in that warehouse. Will had totally given himself away mere minutes after that first incident. He'd been jotting down the angles for a plan of action with Helen and Ashley when he'd caught sight of the shrew at work once more. Her tits had quite literally been right up in Henry's face.

From where Will had stood, he'd been able to see Henry's chosen worktable clearly across the way. Will had then noticed Zack was filming the impromptu _performance_ unfolding right before their eyes. He had not been able to discern any words at that distance, but he'd had had no trouble seeing Amy systematically invade Henry's personal space, nor a flustered Henry almost fall off his chair in an attempt to avoid rubbing his arm all over Amy's impertinent chest. The way she insisted on throwing herself at Henry was pathetic, not to mention _infuriating_, Will had thought.

Will had seen red, and the next thing he knew Helen was calling his name. The sheet of paper he had been writing on appeared torn and crumpled in his white-knuckled fists. Will had momentarily considered jumping over the table, running across the way and actually beating the woman off Henry. Had Ashley not run ahead of him with the excuse of grabbing some ammo, Will might have embarrassed himself. _Bless Ashley for doing what I didn't dare_, Will thought. The blonde Magnus had prowled dangerously over to Henry's table and faced off to Amy, who had merely acted like nothing was happening. At least she did back off after that, and Henry fled the scene soon after. Will had to thank Ashley for it someday.

He had given Helen some lame excuse for his extreme distraction that she had likely seen right through. Will had then fantasized extensively about Amy falling in the wake of friendly fire.  
_  
_Just a little after that, when the lights had gone out, Will had been forced to comfort the woman, to keep her from going into shock. He would as soon have shot her than tell her everything was going to be okay, but if she had frozen there, someone else might have gotten hurt trying to protect her. He had a sinking feeling that someone could have easily been Henry. The thought sent a chill through his guts.

_If she'd gotten Henry hurt, I'd be in jail right now, because I would have killed her with my own two hands. God help me, I've never wanted to murder anyone._

This visceral reaction to a woman he barely knew worried Will deeply. He had always prided himself on his equanimity, and his sense of fairness. Was he being fair to Amy as a fellow human being? Or was he being no better than a beast, reacting on pure, raw instinct to the perceived threat of the loss of his estranged mate? He knew the answers to those questions, and he was none too happy about them.

Will had never felt so territorial about anyone in his life. All the signs seemed to point in the same direction. Disaster. Wanting someone so much was a distraction that could easily get him killed. Wanting someone so much was something he had always derided in others, and had often haughtily equated with a manner of mental illness. So then, it followed that Will had now joined the ranks of the insane. The whole bit about him being crazy about Henry was taking a rather sinister turn, he thought humorlessly.

It had gotten to be unbearable at one point, what with Will's nerves frazzled, another man having just died, and they all realizing the insect creature was poisonous. And still Amy had been flirting with Henry, at a time like that. Will had looked over his shoulder at them, and barely contained himself. He would have punched the woman in the face out of rage and frustration had he not realized that the camera was pointed right at him. He had been just about to say something ugly, but he had also censored himself for the camera's sake. It was humiliating to see the look on his own face on screen while they were examining the video footage after the fact. Will tensed up when he thought he looked just then like he was about to cry. He didn't remember that at all.

But it was all over at long last. They were home now, and safe. No more death, and no more Amy. Will sat alone, uselessly doing breathing exercises to calm himself while a Henry shaped hole in his heart made his whole body ache.

* * *

The worst part, Will figured hours later, was how much he missed Henry. After a hard mission like this, Henry was always his go-to guy when he needed to talk things over, or simply to sit and be silent with. Henry had always been excellent at both, even before they became lovers. Now he had no one. Helen was wonderful, and she had over a century of experience listening to people talk about their problems, but she was his boss. Regardless of their growing friendship, and the trust between them, Will felt he had to leave some space there. There had to be a buffer between Will's darkest thoughts, his moments of greatest insecurity and doubt, and the person who needed to trust him to be able to deal with all the challenges of the job. He couldn't, in good conscience, burden Helen with that part of his psyche, for fear that they might both begin to second guess themselves in their professional relationship. That would not do.

Having that figured out did not help Will any. It still left him with no one he trusted enough to let it all hang out with.

Will was tempted to pester Henry once more. He figured the man had to be going through the same post mission stress that he was. Without giving it much thought, he found himself putting on his shoes and a shirt. He walked over to Henry's room, feeling like the butterflies in his stomach had gone on a cocaine binge. He stood in front of Henry's door for a long while until he gathered the nerve to knock.

There was no answer.

After a nerve wrecking thirty seconds, he knocked again. "Henry?" he called softly. "Please open the door. I really need to talk to you."

Will wrapped his hand around the door handle while he waited, out of sheer nervous reflex. "Henry?" he said again, his face closer to the door. He tentatively turned the handle. The door was open. He held his breath and opened the door, hoping for the best and expecting Henry to tell him to go to hell, or worse. He fully expected a wolf man to drag him into the darkened room and tear him to pieces, but he didn't care. He needed to see Henry. It was a need that he was having a hard time confessing even to himself, but he could deny it no more. Ever since he'd pushed Henry away, he had become obsessed with the man. He hated that about himself, but he couldn't undo it now. He had to try to make things work with Henry if at all possible, or else he knew he would have a long process of heartbreak and self-recrimination to look forward to.

"I'm sorry to bother you," he called uncertainly into the room.

The only thing worse Will could think of would have been to find Amy Saunders there in Henry's room. What he found was the next worse thing, which was nothing. Henry wasn't home. It was past midnight and Henry wasn't home. Which meant Will was now inevitably going to imagine all manner of sordid scenarios to explain to himself why that was.

_Don't be stupid, Will Zimmerman. He's probably working late, or he had late night munchies, or something. Yeah, that's it. He's probably hanging with Bigfoot in the kitchen, having tea and scones._

Clinging to that fervent hope, Will looked around the room. His heart sank when he saw Henry's trusty tablet interface sitting on a corner of the bed. Henry didn't go anywhere without it. Will walked over to it and retrieved the stylus to stop the screen saver. He entered Henry's password, and was minutely relieved that he hadn't changed it. From there, he had learned how to access the Sanctuary security matrix remotely from Henry himself. He did so, and obsessively checked camera after camera twice.

Henry wasn't home. He wasn't in the kitchen, or in any of the labs. Magnus was still up, working. In fact they were all up. Ashley was working out, and Bigfoot was reading in the main library. But of Henry there was no trace. That could only mean one thing, Will's mind helpfully provided, given that virtually the whole of Henry's social circle was in the Sanctuary tonight.

"God," Will muttered to himself. "He did it. He's with that _bitch._" The therapist in Will asked, 'and how does that make you feel?' Will didn't realize his cheeks were damp until his vision blurred and he went to rub his eyes.

_What's this, now? I don't cry. I never fucking cry, unless someone dies. What have you done to me, Henry? And where the hell are you?_ Will was massively disappointed with himself. But he was even more so when he found himself flirting with the idea of calling Henry's cell phone.

It was a losing battle. Will focused on his breath as he hit speed-dial and said Henry's name. He was proud of how neutral and steady his voice sounded as he left a message. It figured that he would get voice mail.

"Henry, it's Will. I, uh, apologize for hounding you, but we need to talk. Also, I went by your room and you didn't answer... M-Maybe you're asleep already," he lied, but he could hardly tell Henry he was calling from his room. That might cross the line into the stalkerish realm. "Anyway, I don't wanna say these things over the phone, but I will, if I can't get to you tomorrow during the day. Please, call me. I doubt I'll catch any sleep tonight, after everything we saw today. You did good out there, but I'm sorry you had to see all that. It was a rough run for a first field mission. I... Look, I... needed my friend tonight. I hope we're at least still friends. Uh... anyway... call me."

_Yeah. That wasn't pathetic at all._ Will literally groaned at himself after hanging up. He set down the tablet the way he had found it and went back to his room. He considered having some tea, but he didn't really want to face anyone. He kept seeing Amy, with her tits up in Henry's face, and he let a dark misery bite deep into his soul. It wasn't something Will often indulged in, if ever. He couldn't help but think that with Henry being such a good lover, he had no doubt that once Amy got a taste she would definitely be coming back for more.

Suddenly, Will couldn't breathe. He had to stop and lean against a wall until his lungs loosened enough to draw breath again.

_Calm down, Will. Calm down. You're just having an anxiety attack. There's a perfectly rational explanation for this._

Slowly, Will was able to get control of his breathing once more, but there was an ache in his chest that felt like it was _physical_, and he felt like he might vomit. He tried to come up with a rational explanation for the phenomenon, but when he thought about what it was that got him so upset in the first place, he nearly lost it again. Thinking of Henry with Amy literally made bile rise to his throat.

One word kept popping up randomly in his head. _Lovesick. This is what it's like to be lovesick? I thought this type of thing was all... bad poetry. Made up. But, my God, the ache is real. Whatever it is, I hate it. It's true, I'm obsessed with a man. This can't be happening to me.  
_

Had Will been a praying man, he would have prayed at that moment for Henry to be with anyone _but_ Amy Saunders. He did not pray, but still he wished for it fervently. It was par for the course that Will would finally figure out his feelings for Henry when it was too late to do anything about it. Much too late, now that Henry had a fanboy fantasy come to life to help him get over Will.

TBC


	8. All my roads have bends

**Title:** All my roads have bends

**Fandom:** Sanctuary

**Characters:** Henry Foss, Will Zimmerman, Ashley Magnus, Bigfoot

**Rating:** **M**, for explicit allusions to nummy, sexy acts that we shan't mention outright. A few instances of profanity and other strong, or suggestive language.

**Summary:** Missing scene set immediately after the sequence of events depicted in **Episode 11: Instinct**.

Last chapter of the series **New beginnings**, which follows my previous series in the same 'verse: **One door closes**.

**Warnings:** Some **SPOILERS** for **Episode** **11: Instinct**. You have been warned.

This story is quite clearly Henry/Will slash, and happily so. If you're afraid of, or otherwise offended by, **SLASH** then; might I advise you to RUN, not walk, away as fast as your little underage, or otherwise insecure/bigoted legs can carry you? Thanks. That will be all. What? You're still here? Oh. Well, then. Have at it, if you will.

**Notes: Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Blessed Solstice, Happy Holidays to All!** This will be the last installment of New beginnings, and just in times for Xmas, heh. But have no fear, I will most likely continue writing in this tangential universe, because I feel the love, and the love is strong. However, any further stories will happen in a series (or single story) of a different name. These new beginnings were arduous at times, wonderful at others, and they must now give way to other things. I hope you've enjoyed reading these stories so far.

Some of the dialogue in the series will be taken directly from the episode's script. If you've watched it, you'll know exactly where it ends and my own begins. Subtext added by the author's fiery imagination for all things slash.

Complete phrases or sentences in _italics_ represent character thoughts. Single _words _italicized for emphasis. Title inspired by this quote:

_Seems like I've been here before, can't remember when  
I get this funny feeling, we'll be together again;  
No straight lines make up my life, all my roads have bends;  
No clear cut beginnings; so far, no dead ends.--__**Tom Chapin**_

* * *

"Can I talk to you a moment?"

Will's voice broke the silence.

Henry was still feeling good about the kiss. All in all, and barring all the incidental and unrelated loss of life, it had been a great couple of days. Helen finally trusted him enough to go out on the field on a mission, even if she only did it so he would stop moping about his breakup with Will. Of course, to call it a breakup implied they had actually broken up, as opposed to having had their falling out and never speaking to one another again about anything outside of work. Oh, Will had tried to apologize numerous times, but Henry wasn't hearing it. He was glad to have Bigfoot running interference some of the time, or his resolve might have worn down by now. Will was nothing if not persistent.

Another big reason to feel good was Amy. _Sure, she's treacherous and untrustworthy,_ Henry thought bitterly, _but then, who isn't?_ She was hot, that was all that mattered to Henry. And she had been trying to work him all through the mission. He had her figured out from the get go, but did he mention she was hot? And she'd kissed him just now. In front of everybody. He wasn't too proud to admit that the fact that Will had been there to see it had made the kiss that much sweeter. _Take that, closet boy. But enough about Will, _he thought. _The whole point of the kiss and the mission and the hot, hot girl is to take my mind off Will's stupid, albeit cute, ass. _

It was more wishful thinking than anything else. Henry's feelings for Will were real. They were not going to up and disappear in a few days, nor weeks. However, Henry was of the opinion that anything that gave him a respite from heartbreak was worth milking to the last drop. He probably would call Amy, even though he was pretty sure she'd be none too happy about the great footage 'switcheroo' they had played on her.

The last thing he needed was Will intruding in his feelgood time. "I'm a little busy," Henry lied. "What do you want?"

"This is awkward," Will said, licking his lips nervously. "Henry, it's about Amy."

"You're kidding," Henry deadpanned.

"I know what you're gonna say, so I'll just tell you. Be careful with her, Henry. She has a hidden agenda," Will continued, looking at Henry like he couldn't believe the man was that gullible. It hurt him to see Henry get used by that shrew of a woman.

"Do tell," Henry said, giving Will even more figurative rope with which to hang himself.

"Come on, man. You have got to see it. She's just an overambitious tramp trying to get in your pants so she can get an exclusive on the Sanctuary."

Henry's anger boiled up from the soles of his feet until he could feel it steaming out of his ears. He faked a dramatic gasp and spoke in a voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Well, thank you, Will. We're so lucky you're here. I'm so glad I have people like you to inform me of such things since I'm obviously too fucking stupid to have known that already."

"That's... Henry, that's not what I meant."

"I don't care what you meant. And more importantly, what business is it of yours anyway?"

"Ah, come on, Henry," Will said with a pained expression. "Are we really going to play this game?"

"I wasn't the one playing games," Henry said, deadly serious.

"Neither was I," Will replied firmly. "You _know_ this. I know I hurt you. I don't deny that, but don't try to act like I don't care. Don't act like I'm not hurting too, like I don't miss you."

Henry didn't answer that. He figured it was a good thing the latest drug cocktail Helen had cooked up for him was doing its job controlling the change, because he was fuming. His lips were tight and his face was set in stone.

"The reason I bring it up," Will started, then stopped. _Awesome. You said, so awesome, when she kissed you. One stupid little kiss and you went all fanboy on her. Your words, not mine. You don't even know her._ He said none of those things.

"I never saw you so... happy when we..." Will paused again, gathering his composure because he felt his voice almost waver. "She's just trying to use you, and I couldn't stand it. I had to say something. As your _friend_."

"I know what she's all about, and I don't care. She's hot. I'm not looking to marry her. It's very clear to me that she's all about her career and that she's not looking to get involved with anyone. None of that prevents us from having a little fun. At least I know exactly where I stand with her."

"That's not fair," Will said, choking with jealousy and hurt. Henry had just admitted he was going to pursue something with Amy.

"Yeah, well. I've only recently learned that life isn't fair," Henry said, but his stomach was roiling too much for him to enjoy Will's obvious discomfort.

"I didn't take you for a vindictive person." Will stood like a statue. Only his eyes darted everywhere as he tried to understand what was happening here.

"You think this is about you?" Henry said, his anger renewed. "You got some balls, man. What do you want me to do? Sit in my room and cry all day because you're an idiot? This is about me. Me, moving on."

"You said you loved me," Will mumbled, feeling naked.

Henry could have smacked him. "Oh, so _now_ you're jealous. Shit. I should have done this weeks ago. Might have done wonders about your figuring yourself out."

"There's no need to be an asshole about it," Will retorted fiercely. "I'm not... well, yeah. I am. A little. Okay, a lot... but," Will continued.

"I'm not having this conversation with you," Henry interrupted. "Since we're no longer _fucking,_" he added quite deliberately, "where I dip my stick is not your concern any more."

"Oh, that's nice. Are you really that hard up that you need to hit that floozy for sex?" Will finally blurted out through clenched teeth.

"You knew going in that I was bisexual, Will," Henry said in an even, cordial tone. His face, however, was completely cold and shut off. "As... are _you_, I guess. How is this a shock to you? Not that it matters any more."

"It matters. It matters to me," Will replied as calmly as he could. "Look, I don't wanna fight. That's not what I came here for."

Henry threw him a look and nodded, merely saying, "Hm." _Funny way of showing it._

"I'm serious, Henry. I'm going about this all wrong. Look, I... uh... I've thought about it, and I allowed myself this one time to be weak and pathetic. It's a one shot deal. I promise it won't happen again. So here it goes... I'm gonna ask you. Does she... um... make you happy?"

Henry threw his hands up in the air, gaping at Will incredulously. The man was making no sense at all. He was hard enough to follow when he was. "What is this? As the Sanctuary turns? Abnormals of our lives? I just _met_ the girl. What the hell am I supposed to even say to that?" Henry replied, stunned. "You're unbelievable!" he said, with a shrug.

Will looked down at the floor and launched into yet another apology.

"I know what I said to you that day was horrible and unfair. Not only that, but it was in extremely poor taste. You don't know how much I wish I could take it all back, or press some cosmic delete button and make it so that conversation never happened." He paused for a moment. "You're still angry with me, I understand that. I deserve it. I know I deserve it. I just... I hope that this isn't something that you can never forgive. I don't care if I have to say I'm sorry a thousand times. I just hope you'll give me the chance to redeem myself somehow."

It took some effort for Henry not to roll his eyes. "Nice speech. How long have you been practicing that one for?"

"Jesus, Henry! I'm trying here. Can't you see that I'm trying really hard to make you see that I get it? How many ways can I say I'm sorry? What do you want me to do? Please, tell me."

"I want you to leave me alone," Henry ground out. He could feel his defenses weakening, and he didn't want to give in so soon. Perhaps what Will had said was not enough to be unforgivable, but it was close.

"You don't mean that," Will said sadly. It was almost a question.

"Don't tell me what I mean," Henry barked. He made an annoyed sound in his throat and lowered his voice to an angry hiss.

"I went in there, opened my stupid heart up to you, and you... took a _crap_ all over it." Henry's pain was still raw.

"It was a knee-jerk reaction, Henry. I didn't mean it. I just knew it would shut you up. It was stupid, and childish, and... and there were drugs in my system." Will's face crumpled for just a moment. "And I know how lame that sounds. Please, you have to believe I would have never said that in my right mind." Will babbled on desperately, feeling an avenue of communication had finally opened. "Henry, I need you."

"Whatever. You are right about the _jerk_ part, though," Henry said acidly. He was too angry to control his more cutting remarks, and at the same time seeing Will so upset awakened feelings that he had worked very hard to quell.

"Henry," Will pleaded in a hushed voice. "Let's talk about this." _Don't give up on me. Don't._

"You know what? Why don't you look me up when you're tired of playing games? Hm?" Henry said coldly, and walked away.

"Henry," Will called out, following Henry and grabbing his arm to stop him.

Henry turned around, pivoting around the arm Will grabbed and socked him in the jaw with his free hand.

Will didn't even see the fist fly towards his face, but he felt it. He stumbled and went down, as he was mid-step and off-balance when Henry hit him. He heard Henry muttering 'shit' just a moment later, or at least he was fairly sure he did.

Henry tried to help Will up, but Will batted his hands away while holding his jaw in one hand.

"Oh, my God! Are you _trying_ to make my mom's head explode?" a royally pissed Ashley called out, hurrying over to help Will to his feet. She had walked out of the elevator just in time to witness the last leg of the debacle.

"It was reflex," Henry said, sounding winded. "I'm so sorry. I was angry, but I didn't mean to..." His eyes were comically wide, but no one was amused.

Will still wasn't talking. He merely looked incredulously at Henry, then Ashley back and forth.

Ashley spoke in a tone that would have made any drill sergeant proud.

"Listen, morons. Your little lovers' spat was cute for a while, but now it's just _beyond_ annoying. Bigfoot's moodier than usual, and mom's going through the roof with you two, so get your idiot act together before I knock both of your asses out. Is that clear?"

"Aw, come on, Ash!" Henry protested doggedly. "After the shit he pulled he has the nerve to act like I'm cheating on him with Amy or something."

"You told everyone, didn't you?" Will asked, defeated.

Henry winced slightly, then crossed his arms over his chest and stared at the far side of the room.

Will gingerly held his jaw in one hand, which he moved slowly in case it was unhinged or the like. He was still sitting on the floor. A part of him was afraid he might attack Henry if he got up. He wasn't even angry, it was just instinct.

"You know, you're lucky I don't have my gun right now," Ashley replied after taking them both in. "Henry, stop being an ass. How many times has he tried to apologize now? Either forgive him or don't, already."

Henry blushed beet red and sniffed angrily through his nose as he looked well away from both Will and Ashley. His expression slowly turned to chagrin.

Ashley rounded on the other man. "And you, Will. You fucking idiot. You don't deserve him, you know. Don't you have a mirror? Can't you see how bleeding _miserable_ you've been these last few days? Even mom joked about us pretty soon needing to have you taken out back and shot. _Mom._ Are you the only person on this _continent_ that hasn't figured out that you have it as bad for the runt wonder here as he does for you?" She took a deep breath and let it out in an exasperated sigh. "Although what you two see in each other, I'll never now."

"Gee, thanks, Ash," Henry said hoarsely, but a hint of his usual sarcasm. "You're a true friend."

"Yeah, whatever," Ashley retorted. Her inflection made it clear Henry and her had rubbed off on each other over time. Like most long-time friends, they sometimes sounded alike, or at least phrased things alike. She was pretty intense as a rule, but her current tone broached absolutely no arguments. "Now, if you're both going to behave, I guess I'll leave you two to talk. So _talk._" It wasn't a request. She glared a warning at both men. "In the meantime, I think I'll go oil my baseball bat," she added meaningfully before walking away.

Both men watched Ashley leave, using the time to avoid looking at each other. Will once again broke the silence first.

"So, can you?"

Henry didn't answer right away, and when he did, he was evasive. "What?"

"Do you think you'll be able to forgive me?" Will asked clearly. He stared at the floor. He wanted to be angrier at Henry for hitting him, but he couldn't. A part of him felt like he deserved the punishment. Will wanted to put that part of him in therapy post haste. No way was it okay to hit someone you love, no matter how angry they made you. On the other hand, he could believe Henry was telling the truth about not meaning to hit Will. He himself had in the past reacted violently when touched unexpectedly.

"I don't know. I _want_ to forgive you," Henry said. After a pause, his voice was airy and unsure. "But I'm so _angry_."

"You're angry? I don't wanna get up because I'm afraid I'll punch you back," Will deadpanned, looking sad.

Henry shook his head. "Maybe you should."

Will sighed. "I used to think that once a couple, or friends, came to lose respect for each other so much that they came to blows, that the relationship was unsalvageable. It would have to be over. At least I thought hitting one another meant all interpersonal respect had been lost."

Henry had the decency to flinch at the words. "I'm really sorry I hit you, man. That wasn't supposed to happen."

Will raised his gaze to meet Henry's and nodded meaningfully. "Sometimes things... happen that you wish you could take back."

Henry closed his eyes and expelled a gust of breath. "I guess." _I set myself up for that one, didn't I?_

"The point is... there's a lot of things I thought I knew," Will continued. "In fact, there's whole lists of things I thought I'd figured out for myself, and now I realize I don't know shit."

Henry looked over at Will sadly. "You know enough," he offered kindly.

"No, I don't," Will said, and broke down. "If I did, I wouldn't have lost you," he added, crying quietly.

The last of Henry's anger cracked and dissolved. "Oh, dammit, Will," he mumbled, kneeling to gather the taller man in his arms.

Will slipped his long arms under Henry's and clung to him. "I'm so sorry," he said. _I'm miserable without you. I feel empty and sad every day, and all that co-dependent crap I should run away screaming from._ "Please, forgive me."

"It's okay, Will. Sh, it's okay." Henry let go of his own grief, feeling it wash away along with his anger so long as he was touching Will. _You know you're gonna give him another chance and he's just gonna fuck up again. He's not up for this. Half his life is still in the closet. _All the good reasons to make a clean break with Will came rushing at Henry, but he countered them all with one simple phrase. _I love him._ His logical mind raged against him. _Maybe it's a mistake, but I love him. End of discussion._

"God, I've missed you so much," Will mumbled, hanging on to Henry like he was a lifeline. "Feeling you like this."

"Whoa, baby. Ribs," Henry said, slightly pained. Will didn't know his own strength.

"Sorry. Sorry," Will repeated, loosing his embrace some.

"It's okay, baby," Henry replied, and one hand started petting Will's hair. "It's gonna be okay."

Will nodded, his face pressed against Henry's chest. After a long silence, Will managed a deep, steady breath, and he pulled away to look up at Henry.

"Hey," Henry said, an unsteady smile on his lips.

"I care about you, Henry. You make my life so much richer," Will mumbled. He felt drawn to Henry's lips, and he let the gravity field that centered around Henry's mouth pull him in.

Henry kissed him, because not doing so would have been a sin, but he cut the kiss short after a few moments.

"Will, I... I have to tell you something."

Will's glazed eyes blinked a few times, trying to focus. "I don't care if you slept with her. I don't wanna know," he finally said.

"No. That's not... I didn't... I mean... that's not it at all." Henry was both sad and amused that Will had missed the point so completely.

"Oh," Will said dumbly, and blushed. He waited for Henry to have his say.

Henry hesitated, but in the end he spoke, haltingly. "I forgive you, Will. I do. But that doesn't mean we're together again."

Will looked devastated. He pushed his chin towards his chest, ducking his head and staring down at his lap. His jaw was still throbbing madly.

Henry felt Will's pain almost as if it was his own. He gently took hold of Will's chin and brought it up, making Will look at him.

"I'm not being mean to you, here. I'm just trying to be fair to myself," Henry explained. "From the get go, I've been playing at a disadvantage with you, because you knew how I feel about you. I can't put myself out there again like that. You can't just... take my love, and just be friends in return. It doesn't work like that. I know I said it didn't matter, but that was then. That was before..."

"Before I threw it back in your face. I... uh... I understand," Will said, but he felt a shiver when he thought of how painful these days without Henry had been. He fidgeted awkwardly, feeling everywhere that Henry was still touching him.

"It doesn't need to mean we're strangers either," Henry said mildly, squeezing Will's shoulder and shyly caressing his arm. "I guess... we're back to... taking it slow?"

_Anything. Just don't leave me alone again._ "I can... I can live with that," Will mumbled. "So, we're... what? Dating?"

Henry shrugged at Will with a half smile. "Sure," he drawled.

"Does that mean I can still ask you for a kiss?" Will insisted.

Henry ducked his head trying unsuccessfully to hide a smile. "Yeah, I guess that'd be all right."

Will reached up to cup Henry's face with his hand. "Good," he said softly. "Because I've missed your lips so much I've been slowly going insane."

Henry's last thought before their mouths touched was, _Oh, Will, you bastard. _

Losing himself in the kiss was easy for Will. He had been longing for this, and mere days had felt like years. He put all of his pent up desire, his loneliness, his guilt and regret into it. He also did his best to make Henry feel all the love he did have for him. The kiss went on forever, while the world around them went away.

"You bastard," Henry whispered dazedly when they finally came up for air, echoing his previous thoughts. They were both lying on the floor on their sides, and Will's shirt was halfway unbuttoned and out of his pants where it had been neatly tucked in before. Henry's tee shirt was riding all the way up to his upper back, and the top button of his fly was open. He could barely focus his eyes, let alone breathe normally.

Will broke into a smile that wavered as he sucked breath in through his teeth. "I do," he croaked, and had to clear his throat before trying again. "I do have big, huge, scary feelings for you, Henry." He grew more serious. "Things I can't name just yet. I... hope I don't succeed in driving you away before I have a chance to show you."

Henry reached over to trace Will's eyebrows with the tips of his fingers. "You do? I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say here. Help me out," he offered. The way Will was trembling all over like he was cold told Henry that maybe he had misjudged Will this whole time. Maybe it wasn't that he lacked the feelings. Maybe he was simply terrified of them. He wasn't sure if that was better or worse. "What are you saying, Will?"

Will let out a little nervous chuckle and he placed his hands on Henry's chest, grabbing on to his tee shirt for support. "I'm saying... I'm saying I've never been so miserable as I was without you. I'm saying that I need you, that I want to be with you... with all my heart." He grimaced, and his eyes begged Henry to understand what he wasn't saying.

"Are you... do you find that there's certain _words_ that you can't bring yourself to say out loud? Is that what we're talking about here, or am I missing the point completely?"

Will nodded emphatically. "I'm... yeah. I'm saying... I'm trying to... to say everything I should have said to you that day."

"You don't have to," Henry started, but was interrupted.

"Yes, I do. You need to know. I _need_ you to know," Will said, letting go of Henry and sitting up. "Because I... never felt like this before. I never... cared so much about someone that their absence made me feel like I was dying. And I always thought people were being stupid and melodramatic when they said that, by the way." He swallowed a lump in his throat before continuing. "I need you to know that I _saw_ you, that I realize that you proved your love for me every day, that you showed me in so many ways that I cannot begin to list them. I need you to know," Will pressed on hoarsely. "You need to know how amazing, and how important it was to me that you were able to find me inside that monster."

Henry sat up as well, and his mouth was dry. Will was right. He needed to hear these things. "Baby," he interjected.

"Please, let me finish," Will said quickly. His voice broke. "You brought me back. You were my anchor. If you hadn't been there, I might have killed a very good friend. I need you to know that I understand that you saved me from becoming a murderer, and God knows I love you for that. When I snapped at you, Henry, that wasn't me. That was my fear lashing out, because I'd never let anyone get so close, so deep."

Henry felt his breath catch, and it was his turn to become emotional. He didn't interrupt Will.

Will sucked in deep lungfuls of breath, now that the pressure he had been carrying in his chest was finally gone.

"I'm sorry I was such an ungrateful brat."

"Com'ere," Henry muttered, pulling Will back into a strong embrace. "There's nothing more to forgive. Nothing."

Will grabbed Henry's face in his hands, holding it so he could look directly into his eyes. "Henry," he said intensely, his whole body shivering with the force of everything he couldn't bring himself to say. His lips kept moving, but he couldn't form words.

"Okay," Henry whispered, nodding as much as Will's hands allowed him. "Okay. I understand. Now, I know."

"Don't give up on me," Will managed.

Henry's voice was both giddy and tearful. "Don't give me reason to, and I probably never will."

* * *

**THE END**, _for now_...

* * *


End file.
